The Most Hilarious Thing In The History of Earth

[Jarvin]

I found this review on IMDB and when i read it i laughed so hard i had an aneurysm and died.

" "Battlefield Earth," based on the best-selling novel by L. Ron Hubbard, is a rousing, action-packed, sci-fi adventure which evokes the best of "Star Wars," "Braveheart," and "Independence Day." Roger Christian's direction is first-rate; the production design is incredibly detailed, and makes you believe that this is the war-torn world of 3000 A.D. The eye-popping special effects are an integral part of the film, and not just some showcase. The storyline is thoughtful, inspired, and ironically amusing, and the acting is top-notch. This film is the reason why science fiction movies are always best-received out of the summer's blockbusters, and just a heck-of-a-lot of fun. Fun is the key word here--for this film is a great deal of fun. I laughed and cheered and cried and clapped, and enjoyed every moment and every aspect of the production from beginning to end. It is one of the best science fiction films to come along in the last few years. Part of the reason for that is the fact that it is a literate film, based upon a literate novel. Most good SF films can trace their origins to good books--like "Contact," "Logan's Run," "Planet of the Apes," and "2001." "Battlefield Earth" is not merely a retread of pop-culture icons. (I'm so tired of seeing "Alien" retreads or "Blade Runner" retreads or "Star Wars" retreads!!). The production also shows a love for the genre of science fiction, and not the cynicism that was shown with "Armageddon." It is clear from the movie that the people who made "Battlefield Earth" wanted to make a fun movie that was thoughtful and inspired for fans of the science fiction genre.
The artistry behind "Battlefield Earth" is most apparent as well, from the very first scenes through the last reel of the film. I have already mentioned the film's wonderful production design, but beyond the matte paintings and large-scale sets, there's a true artistry to how the motion picture was composed. The director of photography and lighting technicians create a wonderful metaphor using simple light and darkness in the composition of scenes.
For example, when we first meet Jonnie, the primitive protagonist, his scenes are filmed with the warmth of sunlight glinting off rugged mountains and green pastures. Later, when he allies himself with other primitives, the scenes are again in bright light, showing in a metaphorical sense how important and essential it is to band together against the hostile aliens. Even the gold in Fort Knox glows with a very warm light. Those scenes are contrasted against darker ones which show the Psychlo homeworld and the dome-city that they have made out of old Denver. The scenes are very dark, filmed with cold blue and dark green textures...you can almost feel the claustrophobia, death, and destruction in those sequences.
The Psychlos are dark, dastardly aliens who have enslaved humanity and are strip-mining the planet, and what better way to portray this agenda than with the play of shadow and light. Similarly, the dissolves between scenes are handled with an artistry that I haven't seen in motion pictures in years; in fact, I can't recall the use of such dissolves unless I go all the way back to the original 1977 "Star Wars," and the editors on that film won an Academy Award for their work. In "Battlefield Earth," the dissolves move each scene forward like pages turning in a novel...and this artistic texture reinforces its literary heritage.
Finally, but not lastly, the music is rousing and triumphant, and stitches each sequence of the film together with an artistry of its own. Today, most films opt for a collage of popular hits; few present music of such a high caliber which recalls the best of John Williams or Hans Zimmer or John Barry. After the first viewing, most movie-goers tend to remember great special efforts or large action-adventure sequences in a film, and miss the subtle artistry behind a motion picture; however, repeated viewings often show a great deal more.
"Battlefield Earth" is the kind of motion picture achievement that holds up to multiple viewings.
John Travolta gives one of his best performances in recent years as the wicked alien Terl with the all-to-human vices. Several years ago, the great action-adventure hero Arnold Schwarzenegger took a chance by playing a villainous robot in James Cameron's "The Terminator," and became an even bigger star by playing against his heroic archetype. Travolta wisely chose the same path, and plays against his golden-boy image (forget Tony Manero here) to play one of the screen's great villains, with equal parts of Shakespeare's Iago and George Lucas's Darth Vader. I had always respected Travolta's body of work as an actor, but could not count myself as a true fan until now; his turn as the chief baddie in "Battlefield Earth" is wonderfully wicked and delicious. Forrest Whitaker also turns in a fine performance as his lieutenant, and I just loved Kelly Preston's cameo as the long-tongued alien. Barry Pepper is just superb as the primitive human Jonnie who leads the other primitives in a battle against the Psychlos. He is not just another action-adventure hero in the Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone mold, but an actor who shows that he is thinking and feeling his way through impossible and improbable situations. You actually think that he is thinking behind his cool exterior, and that's what makes him most believable for movie-goers. He was sensational as the sharpshooter in "Saving Private Ryan," and shows that he's going to be a big star with his lead role here.
I have a minor quibble with the movie and from what I have read of other critics this criticism is a familiar one. In the film, the primitive humans learn to fly F-14s in less than a week's time. I called a friend of mine in the Air Force, and he told me that was likely impossible; the primitive humans might be able to get the planes airborne, and might even be able to fire the plane's sophisticated weapons, but its highly unlikely they would be able to maneuver and land "worth a damn."
Okay, so this is something that we are supposed to take on faith--a cinematic verisimilitude. After all, the humans in "Independence Day" learn how to fly sophisticated aircraft is less than a day, and that misstep didn't keep the movie from becoming a huge blockbuster. So, why not simply accept one more suspension of disbelief?
For months, I have been listening to critics deride this film simply because of Hubbard and Travolta and their connection to Scientology, and after seeing the film, I must conclude that they are all wrong. Deriding this film because of its connections to Scientology is like deriding a Barry Levinson film because of his ethnic background and his ethnic storylines and characters. The film "Battlefield Earth" should be taken on its merits or criticized for its shortcomings alone, quite separate and apart from this issue.
On the whole, I would rate this film very highly--a must see! "

[Jarvin]

PS, i couldn't fit the whole thing in a quote box. But the utter hilarity of the review more than makes up for that.

[KrazyHorse]

Haha.

Quote box.

[MRT144]

i actually was locked out of the house after i joked that i had rented battlefield earth

[JohnT]

You coulda called up on your newly acquired phone card and asked to be let in.

[MRT144]

somehow i think this is going to turn into the relationship pekka and i have where i always remind him of his nude sauna and sausage fests

[JohnT]

Yeah, you're probably right. And you have nobody to blame but yourself.

[KrazyHorse]

MRT's my hero for the next few hours.

[DarthVeda]

It was harriers... but that movie is a huge bomb. Scientologists burn in logic hell. Xenu will consume all intelligence in the world. Fear Xenu.

[MRT144]

Originally posted by Frogger
MRT's my hero for the next few hours.

now THIS is sig material

[KrazyHorse]

Enjoy it while it lasts.

[BustaMike]

[Android Dungeon Guy Voice]Worst movie ever![/Android Dungeon Guy Voice]

...but apparently it had one fan lol.

[Eli]

That's too long to be funny.

[Jaguar]

No, the funniest thing in the world is the famous riddle:

What's brown and sticky? (cue for someone to answer)

[Mr. President]

Sorry, I don't know that one, but I do know

Q. What's red and looks like a bucket?

A. A red bucket!

[Jaguar]

A stick!

[Mr. President]

Gaaah!

[MarkG]

havent seen battlefield earth, but this review makes me curious.... should i..... ????

[Skanky Burns]

Originally posted by Frogger
Haha.

Quote box.

Sometimes your wit goes above and beyond the call of duty.
This one is priceless.
Good work.

[Pekka]

Originally posted by MRT144
somehow i think this is going to turn into the relationship pekka and i have where i always remind him of his nude sauna and sausage fests

How's that? I'll be willing to wait for the rest of my life to find something about you that I can always remind you about .


Anyway everyone should go and see Cyborg 2.

[uh Clem]

Of Battlefield Earth, Roger Ebert said, "Sitting through Battlefield Earth is like taking a cross-country bus trip while sitting next to someone who is very badly in need of a bath."

[rah]

Originally posted by MarkG
havent seen battlefield earth, but this review makes me curious.... should i..... ????

From the original reviews I didn't think it would be worth paying to see, so I waited untill it was free on cable. I still didn't get my money's worth.

RAH