Question about Responsibily, Morality connected with Cheating

DanielXY · April 16, 2003, 15:28

Right now Im a bit confused which is broadly seen right and wrong when it comes to cheating.

Well, here is the story:
A girl and I had some nice fun in bed after a party. She was like me stoned but she definatly knew what she was doing.
So I knew here before a bit, but not really close (like half a year, meet about every 2-3 weeks, never alone) - I knew she has a husband and that she has 2 kids with him. Despite that I had no prob saying yes to her at the party (the initiative to go have sex came from her).
I think thats perfectly correct.

IMHO other couples relationsships is non of my business. I had no agreement with her husband about not having fun with his wife. I dont even know him.

She had (probably) this agreement, so she broke it. Is it my job to tell her she shouldnt? Everyone is free in his choices.

She and some friends of her now pretend somehow it is all my fault.

I say it is 100% her fault if she cheats on her husband and not of the one she is cheating with.

Maybe I should have told her no (moral wise?), but it is not my responsibility.
No agreement broken by me.

So am I right or wrong?

Thanks

Arrian · April 16, 2003, 16:05

I'd say it was wrong of you to sleep with her, but if the facts are exactly as you described them, her blaming you for her cheating is ridiculous. You both did something bad, though I'd agree that since she was the one who was married, what she did was worse. You weren't cheating (though you knew that you were "having fun with" a married woman).

-Arrian

Japher · April 16, 2003, 16:09

He only did something wrong on a standard of some one else's morals, and not his. She made the promise to her husband, not Daniel...

If I promised wife that I would get milk at the store after work, but instead I got beer, I wouldn't be blaming the beer for it... nor would my wife.

Imran Siddiqui · April 16, 2003, 16:09

Arrian is wise beyond his years (well assuming he isn't an old fart

).

It was wrong for you to do it, because you knew she was attached. However, her blaming you is utterly silly. It takes two to tango, and she wasn't forced in any way. She decided to do it, even though she was married and with children. Her bad too.

Ben Kenobi · April 16, 2003, 16:13

First off, she did not force you into sex, you did consent.

By consenting to sex, you are partially responsible for the action that occurred. Suppose you refused to help the wife cheat, would this whole incident have happened? Perhaps with someone else, and you would not be responsible.

But it has happened, you consented and so did she. Both of you are responsible for breaking her marriage vow. Look at it from the point of view of the husband would you not be angry if some man slept with your wife regardless of the circumstances?

Quote:

IMHO other couples relationsships is non of my business.

The minute this woman wants to sleep with you, this is no longer the case. You have a relationship with this woman and it becomes your business what she wants to do with you.

Quote:

Is it my job to tell her she shouldnt?

Yes. Remind her of her responsibilities to her husband, and help her get home safely if she is stoned.

Quote:

Everyone is free in his choices.

And choices have consequences.

orange · April 16, 2003, 16:15

Quote:

Arrian is wise beyond his years (well assuming he isn't an old fart ).

It was wrong for you to do it, because you knew she was attached. However, her blaming you is utterly silly. It takes two to tango, and she wasn't forced in any way. She decided to do it, even though she was married and with children. Her bad too.

Ditto that. You're both at fault.

Pekka · April 16, 2003, 16:17

It takes two to tango..

DinoDoc · April 16, 2003, 16:21

Quote:

Originally posted by DanielXY
I had no agreement with her husband about not having fun with his wife. I dont even know him.
...

So am I right or wrong?

I think you might get into real trouble if you keep this attitude up.

Arrian · April 16, 2003, 16:23

DD speaks truth.

Hey there fella with the hair colored yella, what you tryin' to prove? That's my woman there and I'm a man who cares, and this might be all for you! (that's off the top of my head... might be off a bit)

-Arrian

Japher · April 16, 2003, 16:25

Yeah, scratch what I said, DD goes a point... You may not be in the wrong, but when I do bring home beer instead of milk my wife dumps the beer down the sink!

DanielXY · April 16, 2003, 16:33

Yes I know, many husbands get all mad/violent at the guy that their wifes are cheating with. I dont really get it. When I am in a relationship, only my girl and her actions matter to me. If she cheats = her fault. The other person doesnt matter at all - The Question who she was cheating with is irrelavant.
Maybe Im a bit weird, dont know

Ok, I take it many see me in the wrong from a pure moral standpoint.

But if you talk about fault or not. It is not so much about morals, its more about "justice" (cant think up a better word).

If I interpret the posting right only Japher says its 100% her fault
Rest thinks it is 50% each
hope I got that right

Additionally as I see it, she was ready to cheat with me, probably she would also with someone else, so their agreement was going to be over sooner or later anyways. No real harm done by me (?)

rah · April 16, 2003, 16:35

I'll agree with you on the "when my girlfriend cheated on me, who it was with really doesn't matter" but there are other people that would be pissed with you.

On the other, I'd say 2/3 her fault and 1/3 yours. You knew she was married so you have to accept some of the blame.

Arrian · April 16, 2003, 16:41

Yeah, I wasn't saying it's 50/50 Daniel. More of the blame rests with her, IMO, because she's the one with a spouse. But you sure aren't blameless.

-Arrian