Coming out

Asher · April 19, 2003, 20:57

Yeah, yeah, so it's a 'look at me' thread. But I don't care:

I came out to my parents today. Just a couple minutes ago, in fact.

I don't know why I did it. This afternoon, I just felt like I should do it. I wanted to do it before dinner, but we were in a hurry to go out the door, so we just left. I wanted to do it right after dinner, but my brother was home. My brother left to go get fast-food dinner drive-thru (he's watching the playoffs), and I just got my mom from upstairs, told her to come downstairs to the living room (where my dad was) because we needed to talk.

So we all just sat down in different chairs, I smiled, "So...there's something you guys should know". My dad closes his book and puts it on the endtable and looks at me intently. There's a long, uncomfortable pause. I just blurt out, simply, "I'm gay."

Another pause.

Mom: "Really?"
Me: "Yeah..."
Dad: "You're sure, then?"
Me: "Yeah..."
Mom: "Hmm...okay."
Dad: "Well, that doesn't change anything."

My dad then told me I should tell the doctor that I'm gay, because it might be related to my anxiety. We talked for like 2 minutes after that, most of it was me saying stuff like "So that's it?".

It was very very, weird. It felt like an out-of-body experience, you know? I didn't even feel like I was myself when I told them "I'm gay", I had this weird tingly sensation all over my body, and I was looking straight at the coffee table in the center when I said it. I didn't feel like I should make eyecontact.

And that's that. I thought it would feel better to get it off my chest, but it doesn't feel much better. My brother still doesn't know, and my parents don't think I should tell him. They think he's too immature to "handle something like that".

Maybe I'll feel better about it in the coming days, when I'm not stressing out over finals and the reality of it starts to sink in.

I'm up in my room on the computer, my mom's back in the den playing Scrabble on the computer, and my dad's reading again. I'm somewhat surprise how it was such a non-event, given how terribly conservative my parents are.

DanS · April 19, 2003, 21:03

Perhaps they already guessed?

Ted Striker · April 19, 2003, 21:03

Well it sounds like they are cool with it.

Sounds like it'll probably take a few days for everything to sink in.

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:05

Quote:

Originally posted by DanS
Perhaps they already guessed?

There's a chance. I've never acted "gay", I watch hockey and all that, but maybe they noticed me paying attention to guys a lot in public or something.

Lancer · April 19, 2003, 21:06

Do they know you're Canadian? That's the shocker...

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Lancer
Do they know you're Canadian? That's the shocker...

Only half, Lancer, only half...

Drake Tungsten · April 19, 2003, 21:09

I thought you were bi.

C0ckney · April 19, 2003, 21:10

i came out to my dad last year...as an april fools joke, the old git didn't believe it for a second though :/

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Drake Tungsten
I thought you were bi.

Long story. I am, and I'm not.

As time goes on, I find myself leaning more and more to the gay side of the scale. Women are just too much work, although they're certainly attractive in many cases.

I decided to come out as gay. Coming out as bi would be just too complicated, they'd wonder why I don't just get a girlfriend if I can swing both ways, and if I ever just never get a girlfriend they think I was being dishonest to them.

So I thought I'd come out as gay, and then if I get a girlfriend, it would be a "bonus" to them.

C0ckney · April 19, 2003, 21:12

oh btw, glad they were cool about it

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:15

Update: My mom just came into my room to talk to me. She told me I should "watch who I tell", and asked who else knows about it. I get the feeling that she's actually not really okay with it (she's talked about having grandkids an awful lot) and is just putting on a "brave face" so as to not offend me...

But she also rubbed my back and told me that she wishes I would have told her earlier.

Drake Tungsten · April 19, 2003, 21:16

Quote:

I decided to come out as gay. Coming out as bi would be just too complicated, they'd wonder why I don't just get a girlfriend if I can swing both ways, and if I ever just never get a girlfriend they think I was being dishonest to them.

I guess I can see the logic. However, I've always thought that one of the things that parents find the hardest about having a child come out is the knowledge that their child will never have children of their own. Coming out as a bisexual might have negated this worry in your parents.

OTOH, they sound as if they are handling it pretty well, so I guess softening the blow wasn't really necessary. Hope everything works out as well as it has so far. Good luck.

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:18

Quote:

Originally posted by Drake Tungsten
I guess I can see the logic. However, I've always thought that one of the things that parents find the hardest about having a child come out is the knowledge that their child will never have children of their own. Coming out as a bisexual might have negated this worry in your parents.

Yeah, that's true. I'd considered that.

The problem is, the general consensus from many conservatives is if you're bisexual, you'd only be gay for fun and games and you'd eventually get a woman, marry, and have kids.

That's why they would probably consider it softer, but I can never see myself getting married or having kids, so I thought I wouldn't mislead them.

Drake Tungsten · April 19, 2003, 21:22

Quote:

That's why they would probably consider it softer, but I can never see myself getting married or having kids, so I thought I wouldn't mislead them.

If you really can't see yourself getting married and having kids, then I think you made the right call. No use getting your parents hopes up if you don't think it is a realistic outcome. Your folks will assume that you are gay and if you do happen to meet a girl you love, then it will be a "bonus" as you said. Clever boy; it almost seems like you'd put some thought into this...

notyoueither · April 19, 2003, 21:25

Good news, Asher.

I'm glad it seems to have gone well for you. It has gone well, right?

Jaguar · April 19, 2003, 21:28

Quote:

Originally posted by Asher
I decided to come out as gay. Coming out as bi would be just too complicated, they'd wonder why I don't just get a girlfriend if I can swing both ways, and if I ever just never get a girlfriend they think I was being dishonest to them.

So I thought I'd come out as gay, and then if I get a girlfriend, it would be a "bonus" to them.

I think that was the better decision for now. Maybe you can tell them that you're bi leaning to gay in a few days, but not now. It's awkward enough as it is.

But more importantly, do they know that you are 12 years older than you look?

And that you like "interesting technical manuals?"

Apocalypse · April 19, 2003, 21:32

Good for you, Asher. I haven't even been able to tell my parents I'm straight yet.

Ted Striker · April 19, 2003, 21:32

So how are you feeling in general Ash?

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:38

Quote:

Originally posted by Jaguar Warrior
But more importantly, do they know that you are 12 years older than you look?

The pictures really do make me look younger than I really am. And more pale.

I'm serious. I don't care if no one believes me.

Quote:

And that you like "interesting technical manuals?"

Who do you think buys them for me?

Asher · April 19, 2003, 21:39

Quote:

Originally posted by Ted Striker
So how are you feeling in general Ash?

Highly anxious still.

I'm on meds now for an anxiety disorder (it's actually an SSRI, so it deals with depression too), but the dosage isn't high enough for me to feel anything aside from the insomnia and headaches it causes as my body adapts to it.

Ted Striker · April 19, 2003, 21:42

Yuck.

I hope you are feeling better. I'm sure getting that monkey off of your back is going to help tremendously.

Jon Miller · April 19, 2003, 21:54

cool

Jon Miller

Skanky Burns · April 19, 2003, 22:14

Good work.

Gatekeeper · April 19, 2003, 22:28

Well, hopefully your parents' initial response won't change into something less civil in the future. Best of luck with it all, Asher.

Gatekeeper

Bosh · April 19, 2003, 22:33

Good that things worked out for the best, must be hellish being in the closet it really hit me when a friend was talking about how she'd have to "deslesbianize" her room (which would have a LOT of work) when her aunt was coming by...

Skanky Burns · April 19, 2003, 22:44

I think you will be feeling much better when you see how your parents really react to the news - how they treat you from now on. But so far the indications are good.

MRT144 · April 19, 2003, 22:46

i had a similar experience...except i told them i was bi. they were kind of confused as to what that means. so i had to literally draw them a venn diagram explaining that i like girls and guys.

but my parents are pretty cool and laidback, so they didnt go apeshit over it.

Seeker · April 20, 2003, 00:20

Umm....I must confess I had you confused with Red Jon, and I though 'What, again?'

What do people give you for Coming Out Day?

Something pink?

Asher · April 20, 2003, 00:23

Quote:

Originally posted by Seeker
Umm....I must confess I had you confused with Red Jon, and I though 'What, again?'

What do people give you for Coming Out Day?

Something pink?

A riding crop and the address of a nearby rest stop...

Seeker · April 20, 2003, 00:34

"riding crop"

confirming the typical conservative stereotype as closet leather fetishists......