Coming out - Page 2

korn469 · April 20, 2003, 00:41

good luck asher!
i hope that this helps moves your life a step forward, and that you find understanding people along your way

ps...i was really disappointed in you about two weeks (possibly three) when nintendo had to downgrade earning estimates because of the success of the xbox in north america and europe, and you didn't even mention it lol

Asher · April 20, 2003, 00:43

Quote:

Originally posted by korn469
ps...i was really disappointed in you about two weeks (possibly three) when nintendo had to downgrade earning estimates because of the success of the xbox in north america and europe, and you didn't even mention it lol

I saw no need to state the obvious.

JohnT · April 20, 2003, 00:55

So, you gonna throw a party, like a Bar Mitzvah or something?

Wittlich · April 20, 2003, 00:58

Congarts Asher

My parents acted much the same way when I came out.

I first told my mother. She in turn, asked if she could invite my father into the conversation.

I said NO!....

But my father noticed my mom and I talking seriously, so he came over and asked "what's up?"

my mother then turned to my father and said: "Well. he's finally admitted it."

My dad said "Good. That's nice to hear."

When I asked my folks what all of that was about, they said that they have known that I was gay since I was 9 years old...but they didn't want to say anything to me for fear that I would kill myself or what not.

Granted, both my parents still had to come to grips with the whole "gay" issue - especially when I brought my significant other along for a visit...and the issue of not having children also is hard for them (Roman Catholic and all) - Now they ask John (my partner) and I "When are we planning on adopting a child?

My mother summed it up rather well. She said:

"Your father and I don't really understand this whole gay thing, and we're not happy about it - But If you are happy with your life, then we are happy for you and accept and love you for who you are, whether you are gay or straight."

Plus, they just adore John!

Asher, it will get easier after your parents have time to "digest" the information. I promise.

JohnT · April 20, 2003, 00:58

Potential songs for your coming out party:

I Will Survive
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy
Le Freak

and, of course,

I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross.

Skanky Burns · April 20, 2003, 00:59

A "coming out of the closet" party, hmmm.
Would that involve closet drinking?

Asher · April 20, 2003, 01:02

Quote:

Originally posted by Wittlich
Asher, it will get easier after your parents have time to "digest" the information. I promise.

I hope so. I kinda avoided them all day if possible, because it's just uncomfortable right now.

I decided to tell both my parents at once, to get it overwith, but I'd considered telling my mom first...

John: That's not my style.

MRT144 · April 20, 2003, 01:05

JohnT, how about "its raining men" if you really want to patronize us.

Jaguar · April 20, 2003, 01:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Wittlich
Congarts Asher

My parents acted much the same way when I came out.

I first told my mother. She in turn, asked if she could invite my father into the conversation.

I said NO!....

But my father noticed my mom and I talking seriously, so he came over and asked "what's up?"

my mother then turned to my father and said: "Well. he's finally admitted it."

My dad said "Good. That's nice to hear."

When I asked my folks what all of that was about, they said that they have known that I was gay since I was 9 years old...but they didn't want to say anything to me for fear that I would kill myself or what not.

Granted, both my parents still had to come to grips with the whole "gay" issue - especially when I brought my significant other along for a visit...and the issue of not having children also is hard for them (Roman Catholic and all) - Now they ask John (my partner) and I "When are we planning on adopting a child?

My mother summed it up rather well. She said:

"Your father and I don't really understand this whole gay thing, and we're not happy about it - But If you are happy with your life, then we are happy for you and accept and love you for who you are, whether you are gay or straight."

Plus, they just adore John!

Asher, it will get easier after your parents have time to "digest" the information. I promise.

"He finally admitted it."

How did they know you were gay when you were 9?

Wittlich · April 20, 2003, 01:07

Trust me, your parents are just as uncomfortable as you are right now Asher...

Asher · April 20, 2003, 01:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Wittlich
Trust me, your parents are just as uncomfortable as you are right now Asher...

Good to know.

Wittlich · April 20, 2003, 01:17

Good question Jaguar.

I asked the same thing from my mother. I told her that I didn't know that I was gay at 9 years old - how could she? Here's her response:

"Even though I'm not your biological mother" (she's my step-mom who raised me since I was 3), "I've noticed how you've grown compared to your brother" (step-brother, 5 months younger than me). "I've watched both my boys grow, and there was a definate difference." My mother continued: "The only reason why your father (who is my biological father, by the way) accepts who you are is because I've been warning him that you are gay since you were 9 years old, even though you yourself didn't realize it at the time."

It just goes to show you - "Your Mother Always Knows" (and it doesn't have to be your biological mother!)

Wittlich · April 20, 2003, 01:26

There is a phase that my stepmom always told me:

Don't forget for a single moment that just because you didn't grow beneath my heart you're not my child...You will always be my child because you grew within my heart."

And for the record, I address my biological mother by "Mother" and my step-mother by "Mom" - She's earned it.

ixnay · April 20, 2003, 01:27

Good job.

Now if I can only deal effectively with my parents about me having a girlfriend for the first time...

Asher · April 20, 2003, 01:28

But Wittlich, how did you act like a kid?

Did you play soccer and baseball, watch sports on TV, play with lego, that kind of thing?

Or did you play House, watch figure skating on TV, and play with barbies?

Wittlich · April 20, 2003, 01:41

Actually, I played two years of baseball, one year of football (Not really interested - I basically put up with them both - but it's what was expected after all). I had an extensive collection of legos - to the point that I would build miniture cities for my hamster to run around in.

Did I watch sports on TV? No...but neither did my Dad/Brothers.

I did watch ALOT of Science Fiction movies/shows - right beside Dad.

And I still do today.

Concerning playing house, watching figure skating and playing with Barbies...Why? I never had interests in these (contrary to heterosexual beliefs).

Wittlich · April 20, 2003, 01:52

One hobby that I did develop as a kid is Gardening/Lanscaping. I find it rather relaxing and still do today.

On the flip-side, by partner, John, HATES anything to do with gardening/landsacping. You should see him handle a rake - it is Hilarious!

But giving equal time - John enjoys working on cars and tearing apart/reconstructing automotive engines....You should see me with a ratchet - it too is Hilarious!

DRoseDARs · April 20, 2003, 03:39

Congrats, Asher, on not getting into a b*tch-fest with your parents.

Sounds like they'll keep their cooler heads if they do have a problem with it since their initial reaction was so mello.

Me? Nu-uh, not gonna happen. I ain't telling my parents diddly-squat until I've moved out of the house and can support myself. I'm not taking the risk of being thrown out...Richard has made off-color remarks before, so I've no interest in putting myself in the firing line. My mom? I hate her anyway. Why should I tell her...?

Bugs ****ing Bunny · April 20, 2003, 03:40

Raaaay! Manly group hug followed by uneasy silence!

FrustratedPoet · April 20, 2003, 04:42

Well done Asher, it takes guts to do something like that.

Glad it's got off to a good start, and I hope it all works out for you.

Dis · April 20, 2003, 04:47

I can't imagine anything more difficult in life (well for a male that is). Good job getting through it.

Starchild · April 20, 2003, 06:49

Awwww honey I'm so proud of you! You go girl!

The parents are always the most difficult people to tell. I never had the guts to come out to my mum (she had to confront me about it....twice). Now go get yourself a man to bring home to mama.

*hug*

Pekka · April 20, 2003, 07:16

There was a time when I didn't had a girlfriend almost like in 2 years. I had girls as friends and had few one nighters after nights at bars, but naturally my parents really didn't know that (I don't go see them 'Dad, I had sex last night!').. and it was slow. It's one of those slow seasons again damn it.. but anyway they were seriously thinking I'm gay. I wouldn't be lying if I say most of my male friends are good looking. So.. they were in pain

.
I mean at some point even one of my buddies asked if I was gay and that it's ok if I was. Then he thought I was in denial because I kept saying 'no seriously I'm not gay'. Then he remembered my porn collection so he was convinced I was telling the truth.

Anyway back to my parents.. yeah they were wondering if I was gay, but they didn't want to say anything. I kind of enjoyed it, so I was like I couldn't see their torment.
So one day my mom asked if I had seen any girls lately and I said 'there's something I need to tell you' and she started crying at the same moment

. Then she told that they knew it and that they don't like it, but if that's they way it is, then that's the way it is. Dad was like he was just hit with a brick on his head, didn't say anything. But I couldn't do that so I told them almost right after that I'm only kidding and that it's just slow at the moment. I'm telling you they were super relieved. But it was cool to know that if I was gay, it would be ok too.

Pekka · April 20, 2003, 07:18

The truth would be saying 'no I'm not gay.. I'm just w@nker! Serious one!'

Az · April 20, 2003, 07:21

You know, when my parents ask me why don't I have a girlfriend, I always tell them "Mum/dad, I have something to say to you. I am gay".

They leave me alone pretty fast.