Comment on "My First Story"

Hydro · June 28, 2000, 07:11

D4everman,

Wow! What a way to make an entrance.

As I read your story I felt a growing sinking feeling in my stomach as the events unfolded. Your story, which deserves a title, paints Dee in new light, and it was entirely believable. In fact, playing as the Gaians I have been forced to do just what Dee did (although no nerve gas or eradication). Dee is seen as soft and empathic, but time and events change people, and sometimes not for the better. Your Dee is hard, bitter, and vindictive. And then there is Mwabudike’s impotent regret and hopelessness.

Congratulations.

Oh, may I suggest a title? Vengeance.

Hydro

D4everman · June 28, 2000, 08:19

Thanks Hydro! I think VENGEANCE is a great title! I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I really enjoyed writing it. (heehee...the night i wrote it I was up all night. My wife kept coming in here and saying "You're still proof reading that!?")

D4

senatus · June 28, 2000, 08:30

Excellent work! Seeing Diedre portrayed in such a light (and quite believably so) almost made me shiver!

D4everman · June 28, 2000, 08:42

Thanks. I just reread it myself and I apologize for the spelling and grammar errors. I'll try to be more careful in the future.

I spent a few days thinking of ideas for a short story and it didn't come to me until after my last game. (actually, it took the game and me sitting in a park afterwards eating a doner kabob and drinking a hofbrau )

In my last game I played the Gaians with the trancendence victory turned off. I wanted a diplomatic victory, but I tried to do it with a minimal amount of warfare. Right. I had to kick Yang in the ass and completely destroy Miriam. Then I still had to conquer Zak and for Lal and santiago into surrender. It got me thinking that after a few hundred years of mistreatment Deidre would probably quit taking crap from everyone. Morgan was a particular thorn in my side and when the sunspots came up I took the chance to use "dirty tactics" to eliminate him. Thus, the story.

I have a few more ideas for stories, but I'm thinking of another idea I have that may take some time. What if there was a unity survivor that for some reason was still in stasis when the escape pods landed? what if he could only be awakened after a certain amount of time? It would be as if he left earth and woke up on AC suddenly!

I hope the sun is out tomorrow. Hopefully another doner kabob and a german beer will help me put this one together!

D4

Googlie · June 28, 2000, 09:04

D4:

Mahvellous !!

(I kept hoping that this might be a Morgan nightmare and that he would awaken sweating profusely, etc, then in remorse for Razorbeak Wood and Last Rose of Summer call Dee and ofer gigantic reparations.)

But no.

And entirely believable.

Let's face it, Deirdre is a b!tch.

(My current game - as Morgan - I have conquest turned off and Gaians, Cult and CC are the three dominant factions. I'm the middleman, and Zak, Lal and Roze are pathetic.

Dee (my neirest landmass neighbour) hasn't stopped harrassing me since she found me. I even changed from Dem/FM/Wealth to DEM/Green/Knowledge to try and appease her, but she's a seething bully all the time.

So... entirely in character, in my opinion.

Well done.

Googlie

self biased · June 28, 2000, 13:23

:drool:

------------------
oh, the wheels keep rollin and another milepost gone.
all alone on the road behind.
oh, can't you hear me callin, just like a sad whale song?
i'm on that road behind.

Apolyton Legend

Bearcat · June 28, 2000, 14:49

Prima, D4everman. Prima!

Like Hydro said what a great way to make an entrance. You write very well. To me it seems like the Gaians are poised for Planetary Domination.