Bad jokes thread

Thirgaral · May 5, 2003, 12:07

Post your worst jokes here.
Post funny jokes too, there's always a chance someone else thinks they're bad...

Here's one really really bad joke...

Two elephants were out flying...
The first elephant said to the other elephant:
"But elephants can't fly?"
"No", said the other elephant. "But that's ok 'cus I have an aunt with a green slipper!"

Never understood that one....

Edan · May 5, 2003, 12:09

Q: What do modern artists eat for breakfast?
A: Surreal.

Thirgaral · May 5, 2003, 13:33

One more, a little computer-knowledge needed:

Al-Gore-ritm

while (!election) {
recount();
whine();
sue();
}

===============================
Enhaced Al-Gore-ritm
===============================
boolean never_give_up = true;

while (!elected) {
recount();
whine();
sue();
if (lost_court_proceeding)
lock(government, long_time);
}

Dauphin · May 5, 2003, 14:47

Ming, can you tell me why this thread of old and tired jokes isn't closed?

Also. will I be restricted if I put the aforementioned link (you know the one I mean) in my signature?

Ming · May 5, 2003, 14:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Big Crunch
Ming, can you tell me why this thread of old and tired jokes isn't closed?

Also. will I be restricted if I put the aforementioned link (you know the one I mean) in my signature?

By all means... put it in your signature if you so desire. Lord knows some people have even sillier links than that.

And while these jokes are bad... at least they haven't been posted 10 or 11 times like your "old and tired" joke has been

FrustratedPoet · May 5, 2003, 14:54

Q: Knock-Knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Interupting Cow
A: Inter-
Q: MOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Dauphin · May 5, 2003, 14:56

Quote:

Originally posted by Ming

And while these jokes are bad... at least they haven't been posted 10 or 11 times like your "old and tired" joke has been

Where. Show me. I have never seen it here on Poly before.

Spec · May 5, 2003, 14:57

Once there were 2 sand grains walkin in the desert and one said to the other:" I think we are being followed"

Giant_Squid · May 5, 2003, 15:00

Q: Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?

A: A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And...erm...Ming...I don't mean to...you know...open up a wound....but...for those of us who have been in a cave the last two years and thus haven't been able to see it the 10 or 11 times it was posted before, what IS the best blonde joke ever?

Thirgaral · May 5, 2003, 15:05

Quote:

And...erm...Ming...I don't mean to...you know...open up a wound....but...for those of us who have been in a cave the last two years and thus haven't been able to see it the 10 or 11 times it was posted before, what IS the best blonde joke ever?

just click the link and you'll see those 10-11 times it's been posted...

Dauphin · May 5, 2003, 15:08

Well there is no link now.

And having it posted on several forums is the whole point of it.

Spec · May 5, 2003, 15:09

How many blond jokes are there?

Only 1, all the other ones are true.

Tuberski · May 5, 2003, 19:23

A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar a nd says the bartender "Gimme a beer"

Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

ACK!

Winston · May 5, 2003, 19:37

Zere were two peanuts walking down ze street, and one was assaulted...

Skanky Burns · May 5, 2003, 20:15

A piece of string walked into a bar and asked for a beer.
Bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings in here".
The string walks outside, ties himself in a loop and messes up one end of his string. He then walks back inside the bar and asks for a beer.
Bartender says "Aren't you the same string that I just refused service to?"

The string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot".

Tuberski · May 5, 2003, 20:24

After Michael Jackson's last son was born, he was walking out of the hospital with the doctor and the childs mother.

Michael asks the doctor, "How long until we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, " You should at least wait until he can walk."

ACK!

Charlemagne120 · May 5, 2003, 20:33

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay....they would be baygulls (bagels)

kinda gotta say that one out loud to get it mosta the time

mrmitchell · May 5, 2003, 20:39

Why did the girl fall off the swings?

(please refrain from your nasty dirty thoughts

)

A: Someone threw a piano at her.

Skanky Burns · May 5, 2003, 20:41

Whats white, rectangular, and floats in space?
A fridge.

loinburger · May 5, 2003, 21:07

A poppa polar bear, a momma polar bear, and a baby polar bear were all sitting around picking their arses up in the Arctic.

Poppa bear spoke up: "I have a tale to tell."
Momma bear then spoke up: "I have a tale to tell."
Baby bear, who was chilly as a mother****er, and also had a terrible speech impediment because he had a cleft palate, said: "My tale is told."

Felch · May 5, 2003, 22:57

Two penguins are taking a bath. First penguin asks the second penguin for a bar of soap.

Second penguin says, "What do I look like, Your personal typewriter?"

Darius871 · May 5, 2003, 23:04

So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Tattila the Hun · May 6, 2003, 02:17

So a man walks into a bar, orders a beer, drinks it, pays it, and walks out!

Bwahaha!

Here's one from a british sit-com, works best in vocal:

"A man is shaving his beard on morning. His 5-year old daughter is sitting in the toilet too, on her potty(?).

"Daddy, where does poo come from?" ask's the girl.
Dad frowns, starts explaining things from the start, going to every detail, explaining about acids and all that. After some time, he feels he has explained the thing as well as he can.
"So that's how it is", says he.
The girl contemplates this for a while, puts pieces together, and finally, after a long silence, asks:

"How about Piglet and Tigre, then?""

Remember to be alone in couple of minute's time, when this finally sinks in...

Rufus T. Firefly · May 6, 2003, 06:24

Quote:

Originally posted by Darius871
So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Damn! I was just about to post that!

Bereta_Eder · May 6, 2003, 07:20

In the spirit of the thread title

where can you find a black hair in the body of a blonde?

in her mouth

Bereta_Eder · May 6, 2003, 07:24

a blonde and a brunnette jump off the roof of a 5 store building. the brunnete crashes on the ground the blonde is nowhere to be seen. why?

she lost the way

Bereta_Eder · May 6, 2003, 07:30

(nationalities can change)

a german a french a greek and an englishman are on a plane. (without parachuts)

the pilot says we have amechanical malfunction and we must loose weight immidieatly or we're going to crash. only one of you can remain aboard

the german shouts long live germany and jumps off the plane.

the french shouts vive la france and jumps off the plane

the greek shouts zito i hellas and pushes the englishman off the plane.

Bereta_Eder · May 6, 2003, 07:37

a kid walks by the bedroom of his parents and sees his mom on her knees giving a blow job to his dad.

later he asks her what was that?

she replies that's how i get (him to buy me) jewlerly

next day thekid sees his dad falls on his knees looks up and says: i just want a bike

Bereta_Eder · May 6, 2003, 07:43

an american a french and an italian are on a plane on world tour.

the american gets his hand out the window and then says we're over new york

how do you know?

i touched the liberty statue

later
the french gets his hand out the window.

we're over paris

how do you know?

i touched the top of the eifel tower

later on the italian gets his hand out the window

we are over napoli

how do you know?

i dont have my wristwatch anymore

dannubis · May 6, 2003, 07:44

what does a snale that sists on top of a turtle ?

WHEEEEE!!!!!