PRAVDA - Page 11

Snowflake · June 18, 2003, 09:38

Oh it's a long story and I'm not sure if you want to know about it.

But anyway, here's the sketch outline of what happened:

Hivers: (... dreaming...) Claire ... Claire ...

GooglieGod: These mortals... only devours on the pleasure of body ... forgot all about their health of spirit ... See if a picture of a god will help them from sliding down to the chasm of sin

GooglieGod disappears ...

'Poly Community Board: ... disapearing poly members ...

Ming: It is CLAIRE that he was banned ...

GooglieGod:

Static Universe · June 18, 2003, 14:28

Quote:

Originally posted by Gnool
what is claire-ification...

A play of the word clarification.

Quote:

...and what is the "disappearing Poly members" thread?

A thread in Apolyton/Community dealing with the disappearance of GeneralTacticus and Googlie for uploading illegal images.

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=89316

Vev · June 18, 2003, 20:14

"Claire-fication"

You can do more puns with Claire's surname.

Googlie · June 18, 2003, 23:36

Quote:

Originally posted by Static Universe
A thread in Apolyton/Community dealing with the disappearance of GeneralTacticus and Googlie for uploading illegal images.

I did deClaire my innocent intent

G.

Vev · June 18, 2003, 23:50

Quote:

Originally posted by Googlie

I did deClaire my innocent intent

G.

That is Clairesic!

Gnool · June 19, 2003, 04:02

Hmm I guess "claire-ification" wasn't entirely claire to me before *bdoom chhh*.

Frankychan · June 19, 2003, 04:05

*groan*

Vev · June 19, 2003, 05:09

Okay enough with the puns.

Gnool · June 19, 2003, 07:24

They're getting a bit forlarn*

*pun of forlorn

Jamski · June 20, 2003, 06:44

Look what happens when I'm away *sighs* PRAVDA degenerates into puns...

-Jam

Octavian X · June 22, 2003, 01:00

And now, a transript from the the most popular show on HiveFoodNet - Cooking with Comrade Octavian X!

Comrade Octavian X: Hello, and welcome to this broadcast of Cooking with Comrade Octavian X!. I am your host, Comrade Octavian X, NOT some clone doing his evil bidding as evil rumor-making capitialistic pigs would have you think.

Comrades in Live Audience *cheers*

Comrade Octavian X: We're here live, broadcasting this show from the First Rover Exploration Division of the Revolutionary Army of the Socialist People of the Human Hive, saluting our brave troops, glouriously exploring to defeat terrible capitalistic mindworms and the show the light of the Human Hive to those who would oppose The Party!

Comrades in Live Audience *cheers*

Comrade Octavian X: Thank you. Now, straight to our specialty of the day - xenodoughnuts!

Comrades in Live Audience *ohhs and ahhs*

Comrade Octavian X: The recipe is very simple. Take the instant xenodoughnut mix provided in your daily Hivian rations, stir in a handful of mindworm larvae, provided in your daily rations. Then, add water, and poof! You're all done!

Comrades in Live Audience *cheers*

Comrade Octavian X: And, as a part of this salute to our brave troops, there will be free xenodoughnuts for all!

Comrades in Live Audience *screams in delight*

Comrades in Live Audience *eat xenodoughnuts*

Comrade Octavian X: That's it for today's show. Tune in again the next time your scheduled mandatory television viewing time comes around.

Comrades in Live Audience: (in mindless unison) We will serve Grand High Emperor Octavian X and his Glorious Movement to Take Over Planet. We will brush teeth often for good, strong teeth. We will continue to manufacture and eat xenodoughnuts and remain the slaves to glourious Grand High Emperor Octavian X. We will...

Comrade Octavian X: Taping? We're still taping?!?!?! WHAT KIND OF MINDLESS SLAVE CAMREAMAN ARE YOU!! TURN THAT @#$%#$^* THING OFF!!

Rokossovky · June 22, 2003, 01:59

Alrighty, I'm working on the new PRAVDA in Jamski's abscence. Post anything quick. Should be out in an hour.

Snowflake · June 22, 2003, 02:08

Have you thought about what poll you are going to make? Jamski always have a poll in each issue of Pravda.

Maybe something in the line of:
Which punishment method do you prefer:

* Ceiling painting, because our deputy chairman loves it
* Nerve stapling, because Comrade Vev loves it
* Write in
* Xenodoughnuts

Rokossovky · June 22, 2003, 02:20

Sounds Good... except... I am new to this place... how does one go about making a poll?

- Rokossovky

(and HongHu, write something! 'Cause we all love to hear your songbird like words caress our ever attentive senses).

Rokossovky · June 22, 2003, 02:22

Also, we need some "in other news.." Just little one liners that are rather funny...

Voltaire · June 22, 2003, 02:32

Democracy, in the styles of those practiced by such triumphs of human civilization that were Rome and America, has been the greatest scourge on civilized man. Imagine if you will a form of control so perfect that the slaves believe themselves to be the masters, and whats more are allows little toys to amuse themselves while those in power use the masses as a source of labor. The nature of Western democracy has been such since the days of its invention. Democracy may be best described as government by the elite for the elite on the backs of the masses. Marx saw the obvious, that capitalism oppresses the masses, but he failed to see the tool it employs in order to achieve this oppression, democracy. The kakisocratic elite rule in such a system by being the ones with the money, and hence the ones who can run for office or fund campaigns, thus democracy has never been about majority rule, but rather by plutocratic rule, money can buy anything, and in democracy it can buy you a government.

Surely you say that despite all these flaws a democracy must be preferable to other forms of government... I would respond by saying that a democratic official can be bought, but a despot cannot. Democracy abhors the proletariat, for just as capitalism has been built with the blood of the proletariat, democracy has been build with his ignorance.

There exist then those who will argue for democracy on the basis of the freedoms it provides. What freedoms, I would ask. Democracy is slavery perfected. The elite keep the masses occupied through the old Roman method of “bread and circuses”, the elite provide a few comforts for the masses and limitless entertainment, and what have you created? The perfect slave, one who willing submits himself to the oppression of the elite. There exist those individuals who criticize the Hive for our supposed lack of free speech, I would advise you to look ever closer at the system you love ever so much, free speech is too dangerous to a democracy to be permitted. No man in a democracy things for himself, he belongs to a group, and the group tells him what to think; here lies the difference between our two systems. Your democracies focus as much on the group as we in the Hive do, the only difference would be the fact that your groups are controlled by the elite and make the masses act against their best interest, we seek to make the masses act in their own best interests.

The we have the last group, who would argue that the evils of the system are a result of not enough democracy. The cure for the evils democracy is more democracy? That is like saying that the cure for crime is more crime. In the battle for the freedom of the proletariat we must seek out and destroy the institutionalized slavery that is democracy, for the masses will truly be free when they act in their own best interest.

Essays on Democracy
Chairman Voltaire, Datalinks

Snowflake · June 22, 2003, 02:46

Quote:

Originally posted by Rokossovky
Sounds Good... except... I am new to this place... how does one go about making a poll?

- Rokossovky

You just start your new thread as normal and check the "Yes! post a poll" check box. After you submit the thread, you'll be taken to the page where you fill in the poll question and options.

Quote:

(and HongHu, write something! 'Cause we all love to hear your songbird like words caress our ever attentive senses).

Why couldn't I even written such beautiful words! I'm rally flattered, comrade Marshal. (That means no songbird like words can be produced right this moment. 'cause some really famous guy said that the real master pieces can only be produced when the writer is in great distress. Or something like that. )

But I'm overjoyed right this moment.

Snowflake · June 22, 2003, 03:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Rokossovky
Also, we need some "in other news.." Just little one liners that are rather funny...

Ok here're a few

* In order to show CCC's emphasis on the importance of exploration, the deputy chairman took the initiative and travelled to the south(?) in an effort of setting up a new colony base. During the great endeavor he also discovered a new punishment method.

* A capitalist pigdog spy spreaded rumors about the dissapearance of the Human Hive's only GooglieGod and it caused a temporary turmoil. Many Hivers called for an Claire-ification from the Ministry of ~~mis~~information. As Minister Comrade Tassadar was busy at the time sending a super-long ~~love~~ message to the deputy chairman, Comrade Gnool, the Promoter of Public Morale deClaire-d that the citizens were getting a bit Forlarn. The turmoil ended when the GooglieGod himself presented himself in a message promoting scientific discussions.

* Other sources confirmed that the Great Captain Hercules himself is currently visiting China, the Hive's pact of sisterhood country. Rumors said that Chairman Voltaire plans to secretly meet with the Great Captain in GuangDong.

Static Universe · June 22, 2003, 03:39

Ministry of Science Press Release #4
Subject: MoS Develops New Nerve Stapler

The Ministry of Science has announced plans to begin allowing production and distribution of new and improved nerve staplers! Our recent advance in technology levels has led to an improved understanding of the proper method necessary to achieve efficient and energy-effective nerve stapling.

Through Hive efficiency and scientific advance, staplers will now affect up to fifty percent more nerves. Thus local police units can process drones more rapidly through the nerve stapling procedure and have almost reached the point where they can stop riots before they start.

The staplers themselves will only be twenty percent larger, and can now be safely used as a blunt instrument against drones with improper attitude.

The new staplers have already been in use in limited area, and were instrumental in quelling a recent drone uprising in Voltairograd. A local police official at the scene have this to say: "We like them because they're bigger. If we have the choice between stapling less nerves or more nerves, we're going to go with more. Once these nerve staplers are everywhere, I got a feeling we'll be stapling a lot of nerves."

Rokossovky · June 22, 2003, 12:12

The new PRAVDA is out.

- Rokossovky

Gnool · June 24, 2003, 02:17

Get it here

Vev · June 26, 2003, 20:23

C'mon lads, we haven't have any new ideas for 3 days. We are depriving the others the joys of pravda.

It is a wonderful day

The glorious citizens of the Hive are enjoying productive fruitful lives. Everyone is happy and well-fed. (Okay so we have ran out of things to say. But the Chairman demands articles, and on the pain of being recycled, this is all we can come up with.) Spring is approaching and on the surface, carefree lambs frolicked in the warm glow of the Centauri sun. Joyous is the occasional and nary could one disagree.

Gnool · June 27, 2003, 02:29

The Hive’s own acoustic black metal band Impaled Northern Xenoforest have just released their second album, entitled “Pepetually inverted morbid Satanic demonic evil inverted blasphemous necropolis of the northern impaled hellclan”. Here’s a track listing:

1. Devouring the morbid unholy remains of the inverted northern necrowizard
2. Invertedly blaspheming amidst the grim forlorned abomination of the blasphemous impaled hellgoat
3. Invoking the blasphemous inverted incantation of the lusting necrodemon amongst the grim and frostbitten rubble of the northern necropolis
4. Perpetuating the morbid forbidden blasphemous conjurement of the necrodruid whilst praising the inverted masturbating transfixment of the northern necrotaxcollector
5. Descending unto the grimmest and most frostbitten hellgate of the north amongst the nocturnal blasphemy of the enchanted hellwitch
6. Observing the blasphemous northern slaying of the perpetually inverted betrayed morbid hellwitch
7. Sacrificing the most blasphemous incantation of the moongoat whilst singing the grim and inverted seven glorious of Satan.
8. Navigating the northernmost forlorned archipelago of Necrotrondborgir amidst the agonizing wailing of the enchanted decapitated necrowizard
9. Blasphemous moongoats congregating amidst the inverted morbid frostbitten blasphemy of the northernmost moonforest
10. Awaiting the blasphemous transfixment of the impaled abomination of the northern hellreaper
11. Inverting the unholy forsaken altar of Satan whilst observing the morbid blasphemous transfixment of the hellwizard’s blasphemous necrobation.
12. Blasphemously blaspheming amidst the blasphemous blasphemy of the blasphemous frostbitten blasphemation amongst the morbid blasphemy of the northern blasphematorium.

Frontman George H. Brown said, "It's very scary. Glory to the Hive!". Good advice, George.

Kody · June 27, 2003, 04:55

Vev has announced production of the Hive moive. Titled "I have no idea what is heck is going on". Extracts from the movie script have been released for promotional purposes.

It has sex!

Quote:

Jamski looks down. Now this was either going to take some explaining, or it was a wonderful possiblity. Grabbing Claire by one high-heeled boot, he drags her into the room and shuts the door. He tabbs the comstud as he takes his jacket off :

"Comrades, I am not to be disturbed for the next three hours..."

Intrigue!!

Quote:

"You will, of course, keep me informed of your progess?" The Marshal looked at HongHu with a surprisingly meancing tone, but it quickly faded. "What am I saying? Of course you will, you are my Director of Intelligence, if there is anyone who I can trust it is you. Not to mention you are a member of the CCC, also a very trustworthy position."

Drama...

Quote:

Indecision washed over Wujiang’s face as he first stared at HongHu then at the phone. It was obvious he did not know what to do and was now torn by whether to obey her or report to his superior. While HongHu had already walked away after issuing her order, Claire continued to watch Wujiang. She walked forward and placed her hand over Wujiang’s hand, which lay trembling on the table. He looked up at her with conflict and fear in his eyes. She calmly stared back and slowly some of the fear and conflict leeched away. The phone was placed back on the hook.

Action.

Quote:

"WARNING. 3 ENTITIES CLOSING IN ON VEHICLE." The computer yelled. The autodefenses kept firing, but more and more were coming.....Tassadar closed his eyes and began to meditate. The mindworms were quickly overwhelming the defenses, and Tassadar was convinced he would have to rely on his psychic training for this one...

Romance.

Quote:

“Thump!” The slightly opened steel door flied open and a strong, tall figure in military uniform scuffled in, then collapsed on the floor. “Marshal!” Comrade HongHu let out a little cry while she hurried to drag the Marshall onto her loveseat. Rokossovky’s face was skewed in pain, but he felt much better under HongHu’s concerned and questioning gaze.

Voyerism

Quote:

Comrade Frankychan leaned back in his chair, watching the numerous viewscreens on the wall opposite him. Each vidscreen showed some activity or another in the various bowels of The Hive. A viewscreen showed two unsuspecting citizens locked in a passionate embrace in a storage facility.

Those wierd moments

Quote:

He had been standing on a plain of xenofungus that stretched as far as the eye could see. He had known it was a dream because he hadn’t been wearing an oxygen mask and he didn’t have any trouble breathing. The rust red fungus was ankle deep and when the wind blew, spores had twirled around his legs moving with the breeze. A circle of mindworms was surrounding him with their front segments raised above the ground and their three lipped mouths slowly opening and closing. They looked threatening yet they did not advance on him. Clouds had slowly skidded across the sky and sometimes the mindworms had swayed slightly in the wind. However, nothing had happened until he had woken.

Political content

Quote:

Social experiments rarely if ever succeed, and at this moment as Voltaire observed his own experiment his opinion that of abysmal failure. The escapades of his governing class were akin to those of the detestable decedent Roman Republic; and he was the fool at the head of it all. His opinion of the situation grew more and more grim with each page of the report. This will not do, not at all...

When Vev was asked about the release date of the movie. He replied that the cast was having too much fun making the movie so the date of completion might vary. As for what genre the movie will be, Kody one of the stage crew gave us some significant insight.

"We managed to get Claire into the movie early on and chicks with large busts are very important for attracting audiences. As for what genre we're aiming for is it going to be a semi-action, semi-drama, semi-serious movie with some comedy and horror. We intend to explore much of human nature and show what will happen if true communism is not followed. Consequently, the censors in other factions will likely ban this movie due to its political content. However, I'm sure we'll be able smuggle numerous copies in and hopefully cause a few defections."

Vev also added that any new hive members will have the opportunity to particpate in the making of the movie and there are already 50 or so scenes already filmed. Many more scenes are expected before the completion of the movie.

Kody · June 27, 2003, 04:59

So do you think we should post another Pavada?

I'll do the compilation.

????

Kody

Gnool · June 27, 2003, 05:10

not yet! we need more than a measly 3 articles

Snowflake · June 27, 2003, 22:53

We need Comrade Gnool comic strips!

Snowflake · June 27, 2003, 22:59

It's gonna be a great movie! The romance part may need some work though.

Nubclear · June 28, 2003, 00:14

Hive Joke of the Week:

The Chairman passes a law requiring ten children to be born to each family.......

But a woman only has two....*cue laugh*

Hive Joke of the Week:

A Counter-Revolutionary Comrade and a Capitalist are fighting. Who will win?
The People of the Human Hive. *cue laugh*

Hive Joke of the Week:

What's the difference between the "Free" Drones and the Looniversity?
Absolutely nothing. *cue laugh*

Hive Joke of the Week:

What happens to capitalist pigdogs?
They shall become one with all the people *cue laugh*

Snowflake · June 28, 2003, 01:04

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000

Hive Joke of the Week:

A Counter-Revolutionary Comrade and a Capitalist are fighting. Who will win?
The People of the Human Hive. *cue laugh*