A day in the former operator´s life – part I
Ring…ring…ring…
What the hell is that noise in my dream?? Hoo F%&#, it is working morning again (if you can call 4:00AM morning)….ring…ring….humm yeah I think I should stop this F%&# clock before it makes me crazy!!
BOOOM! Crash…
Ok, I think it was a little hard this time, I’ll have to buy a new one.
Now let me see if I have all my parts here after the fungus vodka party last night…well, I seem to have three arms…I’m sure that’s one too much, but who knows? Wait! It might not be mine! Let’s open one of my eyes and check….yep, there seems to be some one in my bed... There’s definitely some one in my bed!!
-Do you always wake up at four in the morning after a party?
Ho my god! It speaks!! I’m sure I just heard it speaking!! Let’s see…who is she? She’s the red hair girl from the party…well…at least she has red hair and she seems to have been with me at the party.
-Good morning Tany.-Well…who knows, I think I speak too
, and it even sounded like a complete sentence.-We have to go for some fungus today…-hou my head! I don’t remember speaking to be such a painful task.-You can keep on sleeping here for today, I’ll be back in a few days, so just lock the place after you leave, I have a spare key.
-You know if you leave a key to lock I’ll have to come back….
Ho yeah, they all think the same way…well, I guess I could have her once more can’t I?
-I guess you’ll have to…- I swear I tried to smile, I really did.
Now let’s try to move the upper part of my buddy a way from the pillow…ok, let’s try again… wow, I don’t remember being a way from the pillow to be so high! Don’t worry, I think I’ll get used to it in just a few seconds.
-Ok, so I’m going back to sleep, don’t make too much noise.-like I could….
Now…I think this tow long parts below my bottom should be taking me somewhere, I just don’t remember where, or how to get on top of them.
Maybe if I think real hard something will happen….yep, I’ll fall asleep again.
Someone told me former operators are not supposed to think much, that’s good. I think that was the reason I took this job, ha that and of course the fact the commissar said so…
Well…It seems I’m on my feet (yes I DO remember how they are called).
Now just a little walk to the shower and from there I’m done.
A day in the former operator`s life - part II
Wow, a shower can be so refreshing! I think I'm already remembering my name!
Now let me see...Where did I leave the working suite?...Wait, I'm not sure I
remember how it does look
...Ho yep that should be it. That thing surely
looks like something I wouldn't like people see me wearing and it has my name
on it …
Now let's try to wear it...well maybe from the other side...Yep, this hole
sure looks long enough for my leg, though all my parts seem to be far a way
enough from my head right now...
Wow! I'm gonna be late for the transport to work! Ok, don´t panic t_ras (that
would sound like tee-ras). You only have to get through the kitchen to stuff
some food in your mouth while putting your boots on and preparing your bag
at the same time, nothing you haven't done before with usually more alcohol
in your head (maybe that's the secret...).
Now I'll just drop my useless buddy through the door and hopefully it will
fall on the transporter. F%&$#! It did, I guess I just had better checked if
its door was open. Well, doesn't matter, I think that tooth of mine stuck on
the door looks rather ornamental
.
-Hi to all dead buddys!!- Those would be my team mates.
-Good morning Comrade t_ras - that´s chin, the commissar of the team.
I'm like his deputy, he doesn't have a clue about terraforming, but he got
the job cause he has some corrupt friend in the party´s high ranks
(some Jamski or something like that, one of the big guys).
He spends his time on his robber going around us like if he was checking
something, but again- he doesn't have a clue about what we are doing.
-Good morning commissar
-I didn´t think you'll make it after last night´s party
If I catch the moron that told him I'll fertilize xenofungus with his
tongue!
-It was nothing serious commissar, just a few cups- well and then maybe a few
more, I don´t remember so good...
-Yes, heard you had a few, about 20 (!), not counting you had to take care of the
girl!
Hoooo so this is what brought the blood to his head, he is jealous I had Tany
That surely makes it amusing
.
-Well I surely had, though they never seem to have enough of me (
)
The wave of laughs will keep him away from the subject for a while.
-So...Where are we heading today?- That's slim, the newest boy in town.
That's not his name, but his so slim we couldn't ignore it.
-We're heading northwest to help 'Central Planning' teams with some fungus
there. Don't know what the smart guys think they'll find there, but they're
mostly right.
Just a few introduction points for the reader: We say “big guys” to all the
High-ranked party members, and “smart guys” to planning-men and
scientists.
-Ho no, not that f%&#@ng fungus again. I hate to clean the former after that!
That's fat Jo, we call him that cause his fat and his name is Jo (how
original
), and because we have also fat Bob (my best friend).
Fat Jo hates about anything that's not sitting to have lunch
(or dinner, or breakfast
), and he looks like he had too many of them
already
-Here we come babies! - That's fat Bob and his big smile thinking about Janet
(not his wife, his former
)
Well it really looks like we're reaching the former´s hangars. I would call those
"huge dirty holes in the ground", but I guess I could say the same about
all of Voltairograd, well all but the new kremlin of course, with the titanium
chairman Voltaire statue in the middle and all the gardens and state buildings
around...nothing like the place I live in or the one we're entering right now.....
A day in the former operator´s life - part III
Here the hangar´s doors open and we enter the big hole, sorry, meant hall…
It looks like an old planes hangar from WW2. Dirty, big and with permanent oily smell. As a matter of fact there are two hangars here, for the two terraforming teams, but the other one (the so called "diggers") are just a bunch of useless new operators who couldn't dig a hole in the ground even if it already had it. Our name btw is the "boreholes"
- Here's my Charly!!- Charly is my former. They're mostly named male names, cause they're robust and strong. - Did you miss me boy?
All of them have the names painted on both sides and also a number of "targets" painted as the number of mindworms killed, though only fat Bob has targets, all the others (including me and the other team) have never met a worm and so I hope it will stay.
Few steps up the ladder and I'm in my cockpit. Haa, let me sit on my padded sit…yep, it is surly one of the softest thing my ass has ever felt
. I had it specially made for me in a leather shop. Of course it is illegal to get this kind of "unstandard" stuff for individuals in the hive, but if you are someone who steps out the city every now and then and you can bring a few goodies from outside (like some pure fresh fungus to distil some clandestine fungus vodka) there's always a way...(btw: I learned it from commissar Chin
)
I had all in my cockpit made especially for me, either through "friends "(like the leather sit) or by myself. Also with the help of fat Bob (which is like the guru of terraforming in the hive) I enhanced all my machinery, now I have a brutally strong and reinforced terraformer!
(Chin)-all "boreholes", stop getting your selves horny about your dirty formers and begin the checking test, c'mon move!
Some day one of these "dirty formers" will have his ass under its tracks...
-Now Charly, lets have a few checks just to see we're in good shape, so….how are we doing?
(Charly)-Fine pal- ho, forgot , that's another reason these things have male names. They have male voices (which freaking smart-guy had this freak idea?), only Bob managed some how to change it, but then again- he is THE GURU.
-How's your engine doing boy?
(Charly)-Pretty good. I‘d rather have some more oil down there but I can make it for about a week (if you treat me well).
How can a machine be sarcastic?
-Ok spoiled boy, I'll have your belly filled a little more. Anything else there?
(Charly)-Nope, all seems to be working and I have enough fuel.
-What about the forming machinery?
(Charly)-Dirty as usual but working.
-Well, considering we're going for fungus I think I can take dirty for now. Now how are all "boreholes" doing?
(fat Bob)-Reporting ok deputy boy- I hate it when he calls me that
(slim)-Slim reporting ok
(fat Jo)-Ok here, too
- All ok commissar, ready to rumble!
(Chin)-I see you're all happy to be back to work, that's great, we do have a lot of it this time
…
And he thinks he's funny...just open the F%&#ing gates already...
Hooo..., I love the moment the gate opens, the double sun light comes in and the beautiful horizon spreads his monumental colours in front of us, this are the moments when you understand how lucky you are to work outside the hole….well this and of course when you come back with fresh fungus to replace for goodies
The journey to work....
These long rides to working places are sooooo boring. Luckily our formers can drive most of it on automatic, leaving us the important tasks of sleeping and eating. Though this one is like the longest trip we had yet, and it's sooooo boring. It is so boring that...
(Chin)-Hey boys, I have a joke for you!- ho no!!! I hate it when he does that, he has like the worst jokes you can imagine, we're still not sure they're not causing us brain damage- what's the difference between a CyCon and a battery?
(fat Bob)-Should I answer him or will we let him think he's smart?- That was on our secret frequency of course. We shouldn't have one, Chin should be controlling all commfreqs, but he's such an idiot that Bob has overridden his control easily.
-Leave it, if you answer you'll be playing to he's hands and he´ll tell more of his jokes to prove he's funny.
-Can't think about anything special commissar.
(Chin)-The battery has also a positive side yeeehoo,yeeehoo-yep, he also laughs like a donkey.
(Slim)-Good joke commissar!- Slim isn't such a smart guy too, but at least he's a good boy.
(fat Jo)-How far away is this place? My ass has already become an integral part of my sit. A few more days like that me and Volty will become one!- Volty is his former, of course it's named after big Chairman Voltaire. Fat Jo is a known fan of him.-What do you say about a short stop to spoil the guys a little, Commissar?- Fat Jo is known also to always have some more or less legal goodies in his former.
(Chin)-Well it's almost night so I guess we could have a break before we go to sleep? Ok! Let´s go for some party at Jo´s former!
That's cool
I'll just park my Charly next by and step down.
-Ok Charly, you can sleep now.
(Charly)-You mean shut down my engine. Or do you want me to stop looking after you, too?
These machines are watching with radars the surrounding areas all the time to keep our asses away from worms.
- Don't be such a smart guy, you know what I meant.- Why the hell do machines try to be funny?
- Well Jo, I see you already have the eating table ready. How do you do it so fast?
(fat Jo)- Let`s bless before we eat!
(fat Bob)- Of course, how can we eat without blessing?
(fat Bob and Jo)- Googliegod bless our almighty leader, Chairman Voltaire!
(all)-Amen!
And the drink goes in!!
(fat Bob)- Let`s bless again, just to be sure he'll be blessed- and to drink another cup
(fat Bob and Jo)- Googliegod bless our almighty leader, Chairman Voltaire!
(all)-Amen!
And another shut in!
Fungus vodka- definitely the best drink on planet!
-Where are the xenosteaks you promised?
(fat Jo)- One moment, just getting out of the flames?
(Slim)-What do you say about the rumour that CyCon and Uni have united?
(fat Jo)- Ho, the Unis were just afraid we'll kick their asses, so they went to hide under CyCons dress.
(Chin)- We should kick their asses anyway!
- Yeah? And what about the CyCons?
(fat Jo)- Let´s kick their asses, too!!
-Ho don't be silly, we should be smarter than that. We can't just go out in war with anyone we like to, and we also have some diplomatic agreements with them.
(fat Bob)- Ho c'mon boys! Let´s leave this hard stuff to the big guys and have some more vodka.
-Right said, Bob! You´re always the smartest of all
A few more shuts and a few more, just to make sure we won't be waken up by any mindworms, and then we'll be going to sleep. Having two suns is great. It means most of the usable hours you have light, while darkness comes only in the few hours you really do sleep. Well... Maybe day light hours are a little longer, but it would be too early in the morning for me to check it
Now let's get my sit to sleeping position. Yeah...have I told you this is the softest thing my ass has ever felt? Normally I would enjoy the filling for a while on the sit before I go to sleep, but being so drunk I'll just go to sleep. Well, now that I think about it, that's how it normally goes
-Good night to all.
(fat Bob)- Good night, and many drunk xenodreams to all![B]
