Do you think that Americans are too direct?

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 11:29

In Thailand it is considered rude to be too direct when you tell someone "no". You are supposed to say something like "not right now, thank you" or "maybe a little bit, I'll think about it". I think that many Europeans prefer the less direct approach as well. As Americans I think that we are used to just blurting out whatever we think at the time. This offends people but we think of it as a quick way to break through the pretension and see where each party stands. If this exposes an enemy then get out the guns! (just kiding).

Anyway I like Thai culture and it makes for a more pleasant experience even though you realize that you were screwed anyway. Please give you opinions on this thread and take the poll as well (if you don't mind

)

Cruddy · May 18, 2003, 12:20

No. It saves time!

OK, OK, when you're outside of the US, it makes sense to pay atttention to local ways of doing things.

But I'm very blunt myself, so I can hardly criticise others for the same trait, can I?

loinburger · May 18, 2003, 12:25

Nah, tact is a good thing, but so is assertiveness. I'm all for the direct approach.

Stefu · May 18, 2003, 12:32

On the contrary, I believe that Americans and everyone else are indecisive little monkeys and could definitely use more direct an approach.

Then again, I'm a Finn.

Shi Huangdi · May 18, 2003, 12:51

Americans aren't direct enough. People should say what they mean, rather then leave the person wondering what they mean.

Adagio · May 18, 2003, 13:22

I'd say people in generel should be more direct...

Az · May 18, 2003, 13:38

I think we should work out a standard for behaving to each other, or remember not to be offended or offend others.. Cultural adaptation is a *****. The "american" way of treating each other would be fine, if one actually existed. There are so many subcultures, and each one is completely different. Hippies, Black inner-city, White-suburban, White-Rural, White-UpperClass, Intellectuals, Latino-Americans...

BeBro · May 18, 2003, 13:48

Quote:

Originally posted by Lincoln
I think that many Europeans prefer the less direct approach as well.

Hm not sure, I usually prefer the more direct approach. Of course, even then you can (and should

) be friendly. But a response that you can interpret in various ways isn´t helpful in the end, so people should say clearly what they want (or not want).

Jeltz · May 18, 2003, 14:17

Quote:

Originally posted by Stefu
On the contrary, I believe that Americans and everyone else are indecisive little monkeys and could definitely use more direct an approach.

Then again, I'm a Finn.

I was thinking for a while how to formulate that point politely for the Americans. Thanks Stefu, you did a good job.

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 14:19

Maybe George Bush is a Finn??

Solly · May 18, 2003, 14:48

I cringed when an Ameircan visiting here, when walking out of a pub of which a barmaid is and speaks Welsh, states loudly of the Weksh language "us normal people can't say all those different sounds".

(We'd been talking about how to correctly pronounce the "ll" or the "dd".)

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 15:41

I hope that guy does not really represent the norm.

Shi Huangdi · May 18, 2003, 15:54

Quote:

Originally posted by loinburger
Nah, tact is a good thing, but so is assertiveness. I'm all for the direct approach.

I agree completely. Personally, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you mean "no", then say "no". Adults should not need to sugarcoat their responses, nor should their feelings be hurt because disagrees with you, or does not want to do something. If you use a response that equates to "maybe" then people will often take that as maybe and will need to prepared for if the maybe will change to a yes. Say what you really mean so there is no doubt about your position. On the extreme of this, there are some people will say yes but then still act as if they had said no.

jdd2007 · May 18, 2003, 18:09

who cares

Nubclear · May 18, 2003, 18:24

Quote:

Originally posted by Shi Huangdi
Americans aren't direct enough. People should say what they mean, rather then leave the person wondering what they mean.

Yeah. Instead of "**** those arabs." it should be "Lets have sex with those arabs"

DinoDoc · May 18, 2003, 18:50

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
Yeah. Instead of "**** those arabs." it should be "Lets have sex with those arabs"

That's one way to world peace. Orgies for everyone!

SlowwHand · May 18, 2003, 19:16

Who wants or needs to spend time wondering what a person REALLY meant.
Spit it out. Plain and to the point.

Which is better?

"I do believe the possibility exists, that paiktis' intentions may not be with honor in regard to my cornbread".

OR

"That paiktis is a low-down cornbread thief!".

GePap · May 18, 2003, 19:18

In general, I don;t see americans being any more direct than anyone elsein the US. As for outside the USA, maybe they think tact can be left back at home.

Nubclear · May 18, 2003, 19:23

Quote:

Originally posted by DinoDoc
That's one way to world peace. Orgies for everyone!

MattyBoy · May 18, 2003, 19:38

I don't understand that Asian inability to say no either. I cannot see how they do without it.

It would be wonderful if Americans learnt to speak a bit more quietly, though.

SlowwHand · May 18, 2003, 19:48

I don't like loud people. That's mostly a Northern thing.

VJ · May 18, 2003, 19:51

Quote:

I agree completely. Personally, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you mean "no", then say "no". Adults should not need to sugarcoat their responses, nor should their feelings be hurt because disagrees with you, or does not want to do something.

This has been the case in Finland - but now it seems that the traditions are crumbling - which is a bad thing, IMO.

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 19:54

Quote:

Originally posted by MattyBoy
I don't understand that Asian inability to say no either. I cannot see how they do without it.

It would be wonderful if Americans learnt to speak a bit more quietly, though.

If something is bad you are supposed to say "not good." Or if something is way to expensive you should say pang pi noi (a little bit too expensive). But after you get to know some of them the gloves sometimes come off. BTW, I don't like loud people either. That is one reason why I like Thailand.

Pekka · May 18, 2003, 19:56

My opinion is the same as with other finns here. Not direct enough! Say what you mean and if you don't mean it, don't say it! Or, say only things that you mean. Going to be lots of quiet moments though..

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 19:58

Well all you Fins are convincing me to visit Finland.

Pekka · May 18, 2003, 19:59

Lincoln, if you like quiet moments and serious discussions, this is your place. Don't expect any complementaries or 'thank you's' or 'sir' either

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 20:03

I appreciate direct honesty. The pain doesn't last forever and we end up learning something.

Lincoln · May 18, 2003, 20:05

Come to think of it I met a Fin in Thailand and we attended English teaching school together. He was quite the bloke.

Pekka · May 18, 2003, 20:05

Lincoln, you wouldn't like it. Besides, we're slowly turning into more.. 'open' I guess. Takes time though.

There are some problems in businesses when we do international business. In business, when we negotiate and say something, it's not a complement or nice way to brake it down to say 'well, we'll call you about this and get back in one week, be read to ship out' or something. It actually means it. We mean what we say (if not joking or something) and we expect others to respond that way too. So it's a cultural thing, but it really is tough sometimes for businesses for example, because there's lots of unnecessary BS anyway.

VJ · May 18, 2003, 20:06

Quote:

So it's a cultural thing

...which is becoming rare, especially in Helsinki.