Chained Women III, Starring Martha Stewart

Lancer · June 3, 2003, 20:44

They're saying she's going to do time, I'm amazed. I figured she'd skate because she's rich. It's strange that someone so rich would cheat and risk prison when at that point she has all she could want, and after that its just numbers. Do you find that odd? Hey! I'll make a poll!

VJ · June 3, 2003, 20:46

?

Lancer · June 3, 2003, 20:49

"?"

...

flash9286 · June 3, 2003, 20:49

WHERE THE HELL IS KENNETH LAY

mrmitchell · June 3, 2003, 20:50

She did it because she's Martha Stewart...she is really just a tool of the Finns, do not trust her. She spreads her slimy evilness around during time with things such as "Martha Stewart Living" (a magazine designed to teach people how to live in the New World under her rule) and the line of cookware she sells at K-Mart, created for the sole purpose of tainting your food with Marthanize, a secret chemical that stimulates massive release of dopamine in your body.

Imran Siddiqui · June 3, 2003, 20:50

Yeah, but even in the slammer, I bet she makes a mean pie!

Lancer · June 3, 2003, 20:50

?

VJ · June 3, 2003, 20:52

I mean... who is Martha Stewart? What are you talking about?

Lancer · June 3, 2003, 20:54

"Yeah, but even in the slammer, I bet she makes a mean pie!"

That's what the 'Chained Women' movie was about.

Martha Stewart is the middle age woman's consumer guru. She's gone bad.

Giancarlo · June 3, 2003, 20:55

She is being indicted for obstruction of justice? Correct me if I am wrong.

mrmitchell · June 3, 2003, 21:01

Martha Stewart was an evil tool of the Finns for the infiltration and destruction of the female mind in North America...things were going excellent for her until she got busted.

Fortunately, though, the Finnish have infinite resources like her so expect another one to come along soon.

Dis · June 3, 2003, 22:15

what the hell are you talking about?

I thought she already got off?

she won't do any time.

Giancarlo · June 3, 2003, 22:16

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...-2003Jun3.html

MichaeltheGreat · June 3, 2003, 22:53

Lay is too politically connected, and too insulated "Gee, I was just on the board, and I relied on my accountants...

" to ever get convicted of anything.

Martha will do quite nicely.

The unwritten rule of every fraud-driven bubble on the marketplace is that one symbol has to pay. We had Boesky and Milken as the last two, and now it's Martha's turn.

Ming · June 3, 2003, 23:43

Even if she does time, it will probably be at some "country club" type minimum security prison... She probably didn't even think she was doing anything wrong... But as they say...

Do the crimie... do the time...

And when she gets out... she will publish a book about her experiences and make a ton of money.

Imran Siddiqui · June 3, 2003, 23:45

Though if she does do time, I'd love to see her cooking show in prison unis

.

Lancer · June 3, 2003, 23:46

...now we add the spam...

Ming · June 3, 2003, 23:48

Her next book... "How to decorate a Jail Cell using materials at hand"

Imran Siddiqui · June 3, 2003, 23:48

Hopefully it doesn't involve fecal matter

DanS · June 3, 2003, 23:53

Her next book will be titled Martha Stewart Living Large.

Ming · June 3, 2003, 23:53

She has only so much to work with...

But again, she isn't going to a maximum security prison, she's going to do her time at a country club prison, with the other white collar crime folks.

blackice · June 3, 2003, 23:54

The judge will say, X fine then ask do you have any stock advice?

Let's face it she's a token hit and will get a token slap. She represent's greed, er capitolism her name may not be Gates but it is open. From insider trading to obstruction of justice already says volumes.

Imran Siddiqui · June 3, 2003, 23:54

Her punishment: Golf... every Friday... with those horrible pants

.

Lancer · June 4, 2003, 00:00

I just realized something.

Lancer · June 4, 2003, 00:06

...

Nubclear · June 4, 2003, 00:07

I can't believe Japan didn't win

Lancer · June 4, 2003, 00:13

Tass, are you talking about WW2 in random threads again?

Dis · June 4, 2003, 00:17

I kind of have this fantasy of her being ****ed in prison by a woman with a large strap-on

but seriously, I didn't realize she was about to be arrested. Unbelievable. She just may see some prison time, but she may get off with a large fine.

MichaeltheGreat · June 4, 2003, 01:53

Quote:

Originally posted by blackice
The judge will say, X fine then ask do you have any stock advice?

Let's face it she's a token hit and will get a token slap. She represent's greed, er capitolism her name may not be Gates but it is open. From insider trading to obstruction of justice already says volumes.

An OJ charge just means they can't prove the intent element of insider trading. OJ is the feds' last refuge when they really want to stick it to you. There probably won't be a large fine only, since the FSG doesn't allow that, but she'll successfully MDD to a below FSG minimum sentence, and absolutely do country club time - OJ is almost exclusively a country club offense, since it's just for rich white people who don't roll over the moment they hear their master's voice.

MichaeltheGreat · June 4, 2003, 02:03

From the FSG, it's a base level 12 offense, knock off two if she does the puppy dog act in court, she's a CHC level I, so 6-12 months, so MDD will get her 4 months tops. Insider trading's a base level 8, and you have to add points for the financial loss according to FSG 2F1.1, so in her case, she gets 8 more points, then minus 2 for puppy dog, so 14 total. That would be 15-21 months, or about 8 on MDD.