Aussie Rules - Page 6

Alexander's Horse · July 11, 2003, 10:22

Look, don't let Spike and finbar bother you - slang and useage is the growing edge of language. What is technically wrong today is orthodox tommorrow.

Just ask Will Shakespeare - who is believed to have made up many words which are part of the language to this day.

True, Shakespeare is dead but we have Hydey.

rah · July 11, 2003, 10:31

Kewl.

Alexander's Horse · July 11, 2003, 10:34

and then we have rah.....

rah · July 11, 2003, 10:51

Yes, a Will Shakespeare I'm not.

War4ever · July 11, 2003, 12:32

aint that the truth......... but you are a golfer and i think you will take that anyday!

rah · July 11, 2003, 12:34

Always,
better to be a player than a talker.

War4ever · July 11, 2003, 12:44

in the land of females, you need to be a talker to be a true player

finbar · July 11, 2003, 21:32

Quote:

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
True, Shakespeare is dead but we have Hydey.

His overuse of the word "merkin" is starting to get tedious, but.

DrSpike · July 12, 2003, 06:28

Hydey · July 12, 2003, 07:28

I hope my understanding of what "merkin" means is wrong.

I thought it was "artificial pubic hair"

or am I confusing it with the thing scotsman wear in front of their kilt ?

rah · July 12, 2003, 20:22

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=merkin
two references

mer·kin
n.
A pubic wig for women.

[Alteration of obsolete malkin, lower-class woman, mop, from Middle English, from Malkin, diminutive of the personal name Matilda.]

merkin

\Mer"kin\, n. Originally, a wig; afterwards, a mop for cleaning cannon.

finbar · July 12, 2003, 21:46

Good grief, Doctor Voodo, they sure know how to kill a very simple gag, don't they?

Alexander's Horse · July 12, 2003, 21:58

What is a merkin?
21-May-1993

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cecil:

What exactly is a "merkin"? Ever since the word was thrust into my consciousness it's been tormenting me. My Oxford English Dictionary defines it as the "female pudendum," which seems a trifle sedate, given the listed quote of 1714, "This put a strange Whim in his Head; which was, to get the hairy circle of her Merkin ... This he dry'd well and comb'd out, and then return'd to the Cardinal, telling him, he had brought Saint Peter's Beard."

And it's downhill from there. The OED "b" definition says a merkin is a "counterfeit hair for women's privy parts," and another dictionary calls it a "pubic hair wig." Sorry, but these explanations defy understanding. I mean, I've heard of niche markets, but this is ridiculous. My own interest in the word isn't just academic, as I'd like to make use of the fine quote of 1680, "Or wear some stinking Merkin for a Beard," but I want to make damn sure I know what the original item was. --Andrew Scheinman, Los Angeles

Dear Andrew:

Cecil doesn't have the most reputable sources for this kind of thing. In fact, I blush to admit, I have been fishing for tips once
again on the Internet. I do not want to give the impression I spend all my time on the Internet, but in the right hands it is a
wondrous tool, and in the wrong hands it is an even better one. Here's what's turned up so far:

A merkin is somebody who lives in Merika. (Har!)
They used to shave off all the pubic hair as a cure for syphillis, so the well-to-do used wigs.
Before penicillin was around to ease the lives of the promiscuous, these were used to cover up any sores prostitutes may have obtained in the line of duty.
They used to treat the syphilitic with mercury, which caused baldness.
The merkin is for women with no pubic hair. Some people just don't develop hair down there, and this can be embarrassing.
In days of old a common problem was lice. One of the ways people dealt with this was to shave all the hair off their bodies, including arms, legs, and pubes. Wigs became very popular. Pubic wigs caught on slowly, starting among the kinkier set, but eventually became halfway respectable.
A merkin is a crotch wig for both men and women and is usually worn on the outside. Have you ever seen a Scot in full regalia? That little fur "purse" in front is a merkin.
In a country of mainly dark haired people, a prostitute may wear a blond merkin to be unusual and therefore more desirable. (Got this from a dictionary of sex.)
One of the more recent uses is to allow exotic dancers to comply with local laws prohibiting full nudity. They wear what amounts to a flesh-colored panty with hair on the front, appearing to the patrons of the establishment to disrobe completely without actually doing so.
In a sci fi story by John Varley called something like "The Barbie Murders," a group of women gives up individuality (and sex) and undergoes surgery to become perfect nonsexual beings resembling Barbie dolls. This involves losing genitals, pubic hair, etc. One Barbie goes back to being a woman for a night, painting on nipples and using a merkin.
Fascinating, ja? Erudite answers from around the globe, and not one of them duplicates another. Also, one is still left with a nagging question: who's a merkin supposed to fool? By the time you get to the level of intimacy where somebody is going to see whether you have pubic hair or not, your range of observation, as we might say, is such that a wig is not going to make for a very convincing masquerade, strippers possibly excepted. VOICE FROM THE NET: Yeah, but during the period when merkins were popular, the degree of intimacy among the upper class was low even during sex. ME: What's that supposed to mean, you had your valet do it for you? You sent it in by mail? Clearly more investigation needs to be done.

finbar · July 12, 2003, 22:34

They kill it, and you bury it!

rah · July 12, 2003, 22:51

Great stuff AH.

finbar · July 12, 2003, 23:11

You can laugh, it wasn't your gag that was murdered and buried!

Alexander's Horse · July 13, 2003, 01:04

Aidan saw me type merkin into google and said, "Dad, what's a merkin?"

finbar · July 13, 2003, 01:09

See? We've inspired a youthful interest in Shakespeare. Who said this forum was a complete and utter waste of cyberspace and a load of drivel? Apart from Mrs finbar?

Alexander's Horse · July 13, 2003, 01:12

I'm not even going to ask what sparked your interest in merkins. I'm just glad to have learned a new word today, which I intend to use in the form of say "Hydey, you merkin!"

Hydey · July 13, 2003, 01:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
"Hydey, you merkin!"

I can think of worse things to be called

finbar · July 13, 2003, 02:41

Quote:

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
I'm not even going to ask what sparked your interest in merkins.

Word association. Hydey + merkin = Shakespeare.

Hydey · July 13, 2003, 03:07

finbar or Shakespere, one of them had tallent, the other plays civ

finbar · July 13, 2003, 04:29

Tallent is something a bit taller than talent, is it?

rah · July 13, 2003, 05:10

Yes, I'll have to use merkin in normal conversation and see if anyone knows what the heck I'm talking about,

DrSpike · July 13, 2003, 06:14

Quote:

Originally posted by finbar
Good grief, Doctor Voodo, they sure know how to kill a very simple gag, don't they?

Did you see War killing my oxymoron gag in the other thread? That was worse.

Alexander's Horse · July 13, 2003, 06:33

I saw what I now realise might have been an incredible merkin on the SBS late movie last night.

rah · July 13, 2003, 13:13

might have been. hmmmmmm Not touching that one.

finbar · July 13, 2003, 19:16

Quote:

Originally posted by DrSpike

Did you see War killing my oxymoron gag in the other thread? That was worse.

Face it, Doctor Voodoo, in a landscape of comedic saltbush, we are comedic Redwoods.

Alexander's Horse · July 13, 2003, 20:10

Quote:

Originally posted by finbar

Word association. Hydey + merkin = Shakespeare.

I don't get it.

Which probably explains why I'm not interested in the Fat Cow puzzles.

finbar · July 13, 2003, 20:29

Quote:

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse

I don't get it.

Which probably explains why I'm not interested in the Fat Cow puzzles.

Fair enough. The website's forums, though, are now chockers with people trying to solve the riddles. Obsessively so. In this Thursday's episode, I called the two female leads Penny Lane and Elanor Rigby. Just for fun. The episode happens to an undisguised attack - on my part - on vegetarians. The obsessives have already noted the Beatle connection via the names, made their own connection to Paul McCartney via the late Linda McCartney's vegetarianism, and are now looking for clues in Paul McCartney's solo albums. All because I had a bit of fun with the characters' names. There are some weird people out there. In here, too, for that matter.