New chemical element discovered!

Alexander's Horse · June 18, 2003, 02:13

new chemical element - "Governmentium"

Governmentium

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium ". Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".

You will know it when you see it.

Timexwatch · June 18, 2003, 02:14

...says the Government Employee

Alexander's Horse · June 18, 2003, 02:17

I should know...

Az · June 18, 2003, 02:20

What a poor knowledge of chemistry. The fact that an atom doesn't have electrons, doesn't mean it's inert. On the contrary.

Sorry, just had to say this, since this joke has been posted several times before.

Still, some great reading.

The Mad Monk · June 18, 2003, 02:49

Since it also has no protons, lacking electrons is the only way it could be inert.

Skanky Burns · June 18, 2003, 02:53

Only Apolyton would analyze a joke.

The Mad Monk · June 18, 2003, 03:03

...and then write a commentary on the analysis.

Urban Ranger · June 18, 2003, 03:05

Yeah, 'Poly r0x0r!

Berzerker · June 18, 2003, 03:13

Quote:

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

This reorganisation is called "reform".

Btw, inert elements have just enough electrons to fill the outer shell thereby inhibiting the sharing of electrons with other elements that are looking to gain or lose electrons. So inert elements have electrons, just none to give away (or receive).

Immortal Wombat · June 18, 2003, 04:12

Quote:

Originally posted by The Mad Monk
Since it also has no protons, lacking electrons is the only way it could be inert.

How can it have 99 neutrons, a mass of 312, and no protons or electrons?

The Mad Monk · June 18, 2003, 04:14

You are such a wombat.

Az · June 18, 2003, 06:38

Quote:

Since it also has no protons, lacking electrons is the only way it could be inert.

It's said that it's atomic mass is 312, while the number of various neutron-like particles is: 1+12+75+11=99. This leaves us with 312-99=213 vacant spots. I assumed them to be protons, because otherwise, it wouldn't be considered an Atomic Nucleus at all, since the protons are the oned to define the nucleus, E.g Hydrogen-1's Nucleus, containing only a proton, with no Neutrons.

Az · June 18, 2003, 06:39

Damn, beaten by Wombat.

Q Classic · June 18, 2003, 07:06

maybe it's just a spoonful from the incredibly dense neutron stars.

they're opaque, and nothing gets through them. kinda like bureacratic red tape.

CerberusIV · June 18, 2003, 07:33

it is worth noting the recent discovery that the particles that make up this element are not held together by the strong or weak nuclear forces or anything that relates to normal matter.

Instead they are held together by the two most powerful forces of inertia known to human society. "Bureaucratic attraction", now known to be derived from the gravitational attraction of large piles of paper and the "jobsworth" force which leads to a rigid structure in which none of the component particles will substitute for any other particle.

Az · June 18, 2003, 08:02

It's all been described before. Even the Carrier particle has been found, it's called a "Moron". you should read the article more carefully.

JohnT · June 18, 2003, 08:32

I think I've discovered another new element:

Apolytonium

I don't know jack about the atomic properties of this element, but it is very dense, forces people to miss the point, and makes them take jokes too seriously.

Az · June 18, 2003, 08:58

No no no! This was very funny! The first 23 times it was posted!