2117-1
Earnings: ¥300,000.12
Net Income: -¥199,999.88
Cost Per Issue: ¥1 (Hive), ¥5 (Cycon), ¥10 (Drones), ¥40 (Looniversity)
PERESTROIKA
BARE BONES EDITION:
-=NEWS=-
Perestroika Founded
Supreme Comrade Judge Tassadar announced today from the City of Voltairograd that he is founding a new News Agency.
"Yes Comrade, you heard correctly. I am founding a new News Agency, along with a News Network, called the Perestroika and the Hive News Network
respectively." Tassadar was heard commenting as he stand on an empty xenodoughnut box.
"It is glorious! Glory to the hive! Glory to Supreme Comrade Judge Tassadar!" People were heard chanting from the streets of Voltairograd all the way to the Military
Scount Reigment in Western Planet. However, not all welcomed this.
"Tassadar is counter-revolutionary! He seeks to...." One dissident began, however Supreme Comrade Judge Tassadar quickly sent him to a torture camp, citing
HARASSMENT, DISSENT AGAINST THE STATE, ATTEMPTED DISSENT AGAINST THE STATE, ATTEMPTED HARASSMENT, REFUSAL TO
WORK, ATTEMPTED REFUSAL TO WORK, and ATTEMPTED REFUSAL TO EAT. People continued to celebrate the arrival.
Interview with TASSADAR
Perestroika got a chance to sit down with Tassadar and ask him a few questions about Perestroika, Pravda, the Chairman, and live in general.
Q: We greet each day with the truth!
A: Greetings Comrades!
Q: We shall begin with the question that is obviously on everyones mind....How much money did this cost?
A: Since the Hive is a glorious communist state, it cost no money in the Hive. However, Perestroika will not simply be limited to the Hive. We've established our
Foreign Capital in the CyCon, simply because the view their is glorious (if ya know what I mean
), a department in Peace and "Free Drones". We also have
a branch in the Looniversity, although we charge double there. We call it the "Looniversity Pigdog Tax". Therefore we had to spend 500 XenoKredits creating
everything!
Q: Wow! How have sales been doing?
A: Great! We've already earned 300,000 YangKredits and 12 MicroKredits (¥300,000.12). Were quickly on our way to making £1 (¥1,000,000, or 1,000,000
YangKredits).
Q: The Hive already has a newspaper, Pravda. Why did you found this?
A: Because, I wanted complete editorial control. But do not mistaken two different names, for PRAVDA means TRUTH and PERESTROIKA means REFORM.
With TRUTH and REFORM, we can achieve SOCIALISM!
Q: Ah! You said you were founding a news network....Please clarify this for our readers.
A: Yes, the Hive News Network. The HNN is simply a network dedicated to delivering Socialist (eg Truthful) news to the peoples. The HNN will not carry pigdog
capitalist news, only truth. We already have three members, Pravda and Perestroika and were always looking for more. Even better is that the HNN is recieving Hive
State Financing meaning it is free in all nations (With the exception of 'Free' Drones and the Looniversity. Free drones rates run from ¥10-¥25, and Looniveresity
rates are double that due to the Pigdog Tax.)
Q: Amazing. So does this mean that there is NO competition between Pravda and Perestroika?
A: Of course! These two news agencies are comrades, and comrades do not compete against each other.
Q: How are things going in your life?
A: Great! I've become a Supreme Comrade Judge, and my wife and 20 children are doing great.
Q: Will Perestroika be censored in any way, or will it tackle contorversial issues such as the Uni....Looniversity Catpeople being allegedly better than Hive women or
workers demanding higher Xenodoughnut counts?
A: Of course we will provide the news, not sanatized in any way! We shall confront issues from what you've mentioned, all the way up to the Chairmans....rash!!!
Q: Will Perestroika be fair and balanced?
A: Of course! As you can see in our logo (which you wil get to see soon enough), we deliver both sides of the issue and let the reader decide: Nerve staple or no
nerve staple?
Q: Right now Perestroika is a bit bland looking. Will you be improving it soon?
A: Of course! We shall have pictures and more advanced formatting and possibly even music soon.!
Q: You said the Chairman has a rash. What do you mean?
A:
Q: Thank you comrade for this glorious interview!
A: Dosvedanya, Comrade! *Cue Hive anthem*
-=GOSSIP=-
Rumour Spreads that Chairman Has....RASH!
The Hive - 2117
"Yes, Comrade. Our records show that he does indeed have a rash on his...." Said Capitalist Pigdog Doctor Wuyang of the Hive Hospital in
The Hive. "What
this means is that it would of course be incredibly painful for him to...." He continued.
"What? NYET! Our Glorious Comrade has to suffer such agony?" One woman commented, while other Hive Citizens are already setting up a 'Chairman Donation
Organization' inside Kommunizma City (Which, we hear, as collected ¥1000). We contacted the Glorious Chairman, and asked him his opinion.
"I neither confirm nor deny such accusations, but this matter will certainly be looked into. Please send Dr. Wuyang to me as soon as you see him." he replied, his face
turning red.
We will report more as it comes to us.
Possible New Datalink - For Only ¥1!!!
Voltairograd - 2117
We have recieved reports that Datalink Developers known as the S35442 GR0UP may possibly be releasing a game dubbed "Squares" soon for only ¥1. We
attempted to contact the developer, however we got no response.
-=SPORTS=-
King Honghu and Newcomer Vander knocked out of Hive Roulette!
Today in Hive Roulette, Vander was knocked out making him the second victim of the Roulette crave sweeping the nation.
"It's fun, even if you lose!" Vander commented while leaving the Gaming Gallery in Kommunizma City.
For the uninitiated, Hive Roulette (exclusive to Hive citizens) is a game where several players are subject to several challenging which so far have included picking
cards, traditional Russian Roulette, and coin tosses to gradually eliminate the batch of players down to one. That player then recieves a lifetime supply of
xenodoughnuts!
"I'm jealous!!!! I'm gonna go get my slinger!!!!" A Freedrones Official was quoted as saying to Perestroika reporters. However, no amount of slingers will seem to
topple this gaming empire as it already has several million players and is planning on expanding itself to foreign powers.
"¥6000 is how much we have collected since the introduction of the game, which originally cost ¥2 to make." Tassadar, founder of the game, was quoted as saying.
-=COMING SOON: HUMOUR SECTION, ECONOMIC SECTION, WEATHER SECTION. FOREIGN SECTION. WOW!!!=-
