July 11, 2003, 17:56
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#1
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Uni of Wales Swansea
Posts: 1,262
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McDonald's Halt Health-food Kick
MCDonald's Halt Health-food Kick
Now giving away free cigarettes with Happy Meals.
New York, 14:52 GMT - The McDonalds Corporation have unexpectedly halted production of their new healtheir food products, such as the McLettuce SuperSalad and have announced plans to give various tobacco- based freebies to children, including cigarettes, cigars and Professor McTar's Chewing Tobacco.
Whilst the move is reported to have caused outrage amongst various consumer groups, the McDonald's Corporation remained undeterred. Hugh Jankdon, spokesman for the gigantious food monopoly stated to a crowd of proletarians gathering outside a local branch in New York City, "No-one was buying ur healthier products like the McCucumber Sandwich, so we decided 'f*ck it' - if you morons want to kill yourselves, we may as well help the process along a little. Next August we will be releasing fanatastic new foodstuffs such as the new 'Vodka and Gin McFlurry' and the 'Ultimate McLard Burger' for you to clog your already overfilled arteries with."
Scientists estimate that the move will lower world-wide life expectancies by about 10 years, the move possibly proving a greater threat to mankind than AIDS. An estimated 10,000 American children predicted to develop severe asthma conditions within the first month of the project, whilst the McKiddie Tequila shots are said to damage the health of minors yet further.
Other giant food corporations have taken similar steps, with Burger King announcing their new Big King Heroin Hit and KFC's Colonel Kentucky's Cocaine Surprise.
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Just to prove I am still working on Glory Today - it's just I've now got it in html and am having trouble finding a server 
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July 11, 2003, 18:11
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#2
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Uni of Wales Swansea
Posts: 1,262
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SOMEBODY READ MY SATIRE DAMMIT!  
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July 11, 2003, 18:25
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#3
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Emperor
Local Time: 08:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: A pub.
Posts: 3,161
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"McCucumbetr sandwich" was good.
what an attention whore
p.s. sympathy bump
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July 11, 2003, 18:33
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#4
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Local Time: 00:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: ACK!! PPHHHHTTBBBTTTT!!!
Posts: 7,022
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You seem to be getting better everytime I read it redjon. Hope you find a server soon.
 ACK!
__________________
"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here."
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July 11, 2003, 18:35
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#5
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Uni of Wales Swansea
Posts: 1,262
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Why thankyou Azazel
mean xionist ho
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July 11, 2003, 21:28
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#6
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Uni of Wales Swansea
Posts: 1,262
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Tuber - thanks
Does anyone know of an ftp server that won't cost a bomb? I could use my freeserve account and upgrade but for a page I do as a hobby it's too expensive really.
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July 12, 2003, 01:12
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#7
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Deity
Local Time: 13:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: May 1999
Location: The City State of Noosphere, CPA special envoy
Posts: 14,606
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Too blatant, though. Make it more subtle.
__________________
(\__/) 07/07/1937 - Never forget
(='.'=) "Claims demand evidence; extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence." -- Carl Sagan
(")_(") "Starting the fire from within."
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July 12, 2003, 01:36
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#8
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King
Local Time: 06:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Dilbert
Posts: 1,839
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"Big King Heroin Hit" 
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July 12, 2003, 01:49
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#9
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Helsinki
Posts: 2,247
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Quote:
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You have not completed your site yet.
Build your FREE Web Site now!
Click here to access your site building tools.
(Forgot your password? Click here.)
Need Help? Click here for tips on getting started and technical support.
Search Other Members' Web Sites
Want to see what other FreeServers members have done with their Web sites? Why not search through them using the FreeServers search engine?
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July 12, 2003, 02:00
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#10
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Local Time: 16:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Skanky Father
Posts: 16,530
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Dripping with satire, just the way I like it.
__________________
I'm building a wagon! On some other part of the internets, obviously (but not that other site).
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July 12, 2003, 03:04
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#11
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King
Local Time: 00:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 1,166
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... does anyone actually say "whilst" ? 
__________________
There's nothing wrong with the dream, my friend, the problem lies with the dreamer.
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July 12, 2003, 03:09
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#12
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Emperor
Local Time: 23:32
Local Date: November 1, 2010
Join Date: Dec 1998
Posts: 3,215
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Quote:
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and KFC's Colonel Kentucky's Cocaine Surprise.
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It's Colonel Sanders, not Colonel Kentucky.
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July 12, 2003, 04:31
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#13
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King
Local Time: 22:32
Local Date: November 1, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Posts: 1,417
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Hold the pickle, hold the satire.
__________________
He's got the Midas touch.
But he touched it too much!
Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!
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July 12, 2003, 09:09
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#14
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Uni of Wales Swansea
Posts: 1,262
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I took the original site down, in order to upload the new one. But I have to upgrade to get access to an ftp server 
I'll have more money in Sept, so if I ugrade it'll be then
Does anyone know ofa decent deal?
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July 12, 2003, 10:01
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#15
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Emperor
Local Time: 06:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 1999
Posts: 8,515
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It's crap.
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July 12, 2003, 11:01
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#16
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King
Local Time: 05:32
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Uni of Wales Swansea
Posts: 1,262
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Thankyou for your constructive criticism Mr. Closet
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