American men - avoid the ball & chain!

Boris Godunov · July 22, 2003, 10:55

http://www.fredoneverything.net/Reimer.shtml

Quote:

July 14, 2003

Were I to offer thoughts on marriage to young American men today, in these the declining years of a once-great civilization, my advice would be as follows: Don't do it. Or, if you do, do it in another country. In America marriage is a grievous error.

And why so? Because of The Chip. The Attitude. The bandsaw whine of anger, anger, anger that makes American women an international horror. It's there. It's real.

You, a young man, may not recognize the Chip if you have never seen normal, warm, happy women. If you are twenty-something and haven't been out of the US, you haven't seen them. They exist by the billion--in Latin America, Singapore, Taiwan, Malaya, China and, last I looked, France and Holland. And of course not every woman in America carries the Chip. None of them think they do. Yet it is the default, the usual, what comes out of the box.

The following is a perfectly ordinary, everyday, bulk-lot example, suitable for poisoning a cistern:

"Other than a 29-inch waist and a full head of hair, there isn't much to recommend the twentysomething male…He is living an extended adolescence -- an adult-olescence -- and every immature, irresponsible, self-absorbed thing he does is reinforced by the latest issue of his favorite men's magazine." (Susan Reimer, a columnist for the Baltimore Sun. I bet she goes out a lot.)*

Hers is the Attitude--and what they think of you. It is the defining trait of American women. Exceptions exist, and they have my apologies, but they are few and no, sport, your Sally probably isn't one of them. They're coiled to bite. As soon as problems arise in the marriage, they turn into Susan.

Susan Reimer is what is out there, guys: bitter that no one wants her (as who in his right mind could?), sure that no one is good enough for her, never having grasped that those who would be loved must first be lovable. Understand this: Susan is America. Some hide it better, springing it on you after the ceremony, but Susan is the rule.

The Susans do not like men. Sometimes they actually take courses in disliking men ("Women's Studies"). Yet they want to marry one and have babies. For them, the contradiction actually makes a kind of sense, because (and they know this, believe me) they will get the house, the children, and the child support. For you, it makes no sense. You will get raped in the divorce courts. You don't know how bad it is. Don't do it.

A prime effect of marriage is backbreaking financial overhead: the excessive house in the prestigious suburb, the pricey but boring cars, all that. But if you don't fall into the trap, keeping your expenses down means you can live in Alaska or overseas and enjoy existence. There is more to life than debt service. Although these are bad times for marrying, they are extraordinarily good times for being single.

Now, children. This is sticky. You may want them, or think you want them, or think you may want them. She wants them. My advice is to move to almost any country where English isn't spoken and women don't want their husbands to be the mothers of their children. Any country inhabited by the Chinese would do nicely.

Incidentally, remember that it is never now or never. Your prospects improve with time. At thirty-five or fifty you will be perfectly able to find a good woman if you know where to look. See above list.

Remember also that these are not good times for having children in America. It is almost irresponsible. The schools are scholastically poor, drug-ridden, given chiefly to political indoctrination, and hostile to male children. The universities are little better. Divorce is hell on children and their fathers, and nearly universal. The country lunges to police-statedom and isn't, I suspect, as stable as it might be. Worse, worst, there is Susan Reimer. Her name is legion, and she seeps everywhere, like the effluvium of unwashed socks.

Further, there is no social duty to have children. Some argue that the white population is in decline. Tough. If the country chooses to make having kids undesirable, then let it decline. It is not your problem.

Now, you might well wonder, why are American women carrying the Chip? Practically, it doesn't matter: They do carry it, and will continue. Still, it is partly because from birth they are fed the notion that they have been oppressed, battered, cheated, deprived, harassed, used as sex objects, not used as sex objects, on and on. Being rational, you are perhaps inclined to point out that never has a female population been less any of these things, but don't bother. It will have no effect. The Chip is an emotional artifact to which they respond emotionally.

The bedrock of The Attitude is that everything is the man's fault. Wonders Reimer, "What is the answer, especially if the 20- and 30-year-old male is such poor marriage material?" She does not wonder, "If I am such a grindingly awful termagant that men on three continents are crossing their legs and feeling queasy over my mere column, and won't come near me except in a Kevlar bathysphere with a disinfectant system, maybe I'm doing something wrong. Gosh. I wonder what?"

Yet something more is going on, though one does not easily see just what. Note that in recent decades we have seen the invention by women of bulimia and anorexia, which no one had heard of in 1965. Men made them do it. At roughly the same time women began getting breast implants, which men also made them do, and then suing about it. In the same period they began having induced memories of being raped or satanically abused by their fathers. Men again. The psychotherapy racket grew like kudzu, a sure sign of deep unhappiness over something.

All of this is recent. You have to be fifty to remember women who were resilient, sane, psychically strong and, within the limits of an often sorry existence, content. But whatever the answer, guys, the problem isn't yours.

Spend a year overseas, however you have to do it. For smart, classy, just plain glorious women who often speak English, try Singapore. Argentina is splendid. Many places are. You would be amazed. See what's out there before you marry a gringa with her Inner Susan, who will one day burst from her chest like one of those beaked space-aliens in the movies, dripping venom. They're death.

* Orlando Sentinel, July 1
©Fred Reed 2003

I don't endorse anything in this essay, but I thought it would spark some lively discussion, at least. I will say that Reimer is primarily a humor columnist, so he seems to be taking her entirely too literally and out of context. But that doesn't change his overall message, I suppose...

SlowwHand · July 22, 2003, 11:07

I agree. Spend a year overseas, on Uncle Sam's dime.

Stefu · July 22, 2003, 11:14

Stop with your damnable conversion efforts, Godunov! I shall yet deny the toaster from you!

Anyway, what, is this guy a Sir Vili advertiser or something?

DAVOUT · July 22, 2003, 11:17

It is hard to believe for me that such a generalization can be true; if it is, it is terrible.

Although I dont want to advertize the qualities of our women (some guys here are ... bizarre

), I must confess that, as most men I know, I appreciate and enjoy the relationship between men and women.

Az · July 22, 2003, 11:22

Nice attempt to convert us, Boris.

sadly, this is true. A new social construct allowing men and women to be equal, as well as the continuation of the species ( a big problem in the western world ) is needed.

I suggest GM to make everyone look good

That would be the ultimate weapon to combat the raising of standards for men and women by the media. We all want hot wives and fit husbands. We have delusions of grandeur, yet we have a low self-esteem.

We've GOT to think about it, before it's too late.

MichaeltheGreat · July 22, 2003, 11:23

Yeah, Sloww, if you want someone that's a combo of a mommy and a waitress.

I get to see a fair number of 20-something males, and most of them are immature twits, have no problem with that, and there you go.

The biggest problem with American women is they seem to have some distorted idea that "men" isn't synonymous with "overgrown boys."

Reimer's column, intended humor or not, is more dead on by far than Fred Reed.

Makeo · July 22, 2003, 11:28

having spent time in various countries including some years in the states i have noticed as a generalization that american women have a preoccupation with marrying the right sort. Kind of an extension of the old idea of it doesn't matter what they are like as long as they are a doctor or lawyer.

SlowwHand · July 22, 2003, 11:31

Michael, that's perfect. Mommy-Waitress combo.
Who could ask for anything more?

:) Smiley · July 22, 2003, 19:36

Standard supply-and-demand at work here.

Dis · July 23, 2003, 01:54

marriage is a good thing

provided you get them to sign a pre-nup

don't get married without it

monkspider · July 23, 2003, 02:12

Wow, marriage is sounding worse and worse. I think I might follow this article's advise.

HershOstropoler · July 23, 2003, 02:18

Quote:

Originally posted by Makeo
Kind of an extension of the old idea of it doesn't matter what they are like as long as they are a doctor or lawyer.

Tell me more about that.

Saras · July 23, 2003, 02:20

Quote:

Originally posted by Makeo
having spent time in various countries including some years in the states i have noticed as a generalization that american women have a preoccupation with marrying the right sort. Kind of an extension of the old idea of it doesn't matter what they are like as long as they are a doctor or lawyer.

What, no bankers?

Nubclear · July 23, 2003, 05:11

Quote:

Originally posted by monkspider
Wow, marriage is sounding worse and worse. I think I might follow this article's advise.

Marriage isn't a bad thing as long as you follow Diss' advice and get a prenup. Heavily biased in your favor, of course.

st_swithin · July 23, 2003, 05:40

If you want someone to take your money, marry an accountant. If you want someone to MAKE money, you have to marry a movie star or something.

JUST SAY NO TO PRENUPS!!

Sikander · July 23, 2003, 05:53

Quote:

Originally posted by st_swithin
If you want someone to take your money, marry an accountant. If you want someone to MAKE money, you have to marry a movie star or something.

JUST SAY NO TO PRENUPS!!

I'm personally holding out for Wynona. She's still young and strong, and she'll look good pushing my wheelchair around Hollywood.

Harovan · July 23, 2003, 06:09

Quote:

Originally posted by st_swithin
JUST SAY NO TO PRENUPS!!

Typical female PoV. Knowing, that on divorce by default you get all assets and he gets all debts will surely make you deny pre-nuptial agreements. Women who refuse a fair agreement, deserve to sit on the dry, avoided like the plague.

Overall, marriage is against the spirit of time. It is sooooo XIXth and XXth century. Who wants to live with his partner of the opposite (heck, or same) sex, can do so without a ring or a rubber stamped certificate. Marriage as economical agreement has lost its importance with the emancipation of women. Two partners, each of who is able to feed him/herself without the help of the other don't need it for a common life. And for the children of course both are responsible in equal parts. I respect people, who get married for sentimental reasons (after all I'm married myself, but then, I am XXth century), but I deem it completely unnecessary though.

st_swithin · July 23, 2003, 07:13

Yeah, well fvck you too, Ralphie.

MikeH · July 23, 2003, 07:16

If you are thinking about the divorce settlement before you get married then why are you getting married?

Makeo · July 23, 2003, 07:28

because your sensible. who knows what happens in 20 years.
that said i wouldn't get one because i'm an incurable romantic.

MikeH · July 23, 2003, 07:29

Me too, and I'm not sensible and I don't own anything at the moment anyway.

Makeo · July 23, 2003, 07:32

oh yeah and i don't have any money.

Tolls · July 23, 2003, 07:33

"If you are thinking about the divorce settlement before you get married then why are you getting married?"

I was wondering that...it seems to be an extraordinarily pessimistic start to a marriage.

MikeH · July 23, 2003, 07:41

"I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you marry me?"
"Oh, Yes! Of course I will!"
"Right, but can you sign this? Tust in case things go tits up. It just says that you get two things if we split up, Jack and sh1t and Jack just left town."

Tolls · July 23, 2003, 07:43

I proposed to my Mrs using fridge magnets..maybe I should have used them to hold a pre-nup to the fridge as well...I'm sure that would have gone down well.

MikeH · July 23, 2003, 07:45

Yes... I imagine that would have been the only thing that was for the forseeable.

monolith94 · July 23, 2003, 08:13

"in recent decades we have seen the invention by women of bulimia and anorexia"

He has a couple of decent points, but over all, this columnist is living in a fantasy land. I don't worry about prenups cause I wouldn't cheat...

Harovan · July 23, 2003, 08:14

Quote:

Originally posted by st_swithin
Yeah, well fvck you too, Ralphie.

Thanks, but no, thanks. Won't let you.

Jac de Molay · July 23, 2003, 08:41

Im 33 and went through 3 divorces between parents/stepparents, and it'll be a sub-zero day in hell before I ever tie the knot. I've seen so many of friends, great guys, reduced to quivering lumps of existence after getting married

:) Smiley · July 23, 2003, 09:12

The fact there's someone on this board who's handle is "My Wife Hates Civ" ought to say something