Politically Correct Ways To Say Someone Is Nuts

SlowwHand · July 26, 2003, 19:03

A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's asleep.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
Body by Fisher Price, brains by Mattel.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Skylight leaks a little.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
In the Pinball Game of Life, his flippers are a little further apart than most.

Cruddy · July 26, 2003, 19:09

Traditional Brit lines are "a few sandwiches short of a picnic" or "a few bricks short of a hod".

If someone is clearly a danger to others, I don't bother with political correctness. If they are a danger to themselves, I try to be sympathetic.

st_swithin · July 26, 2003, 19:14

A few sticks short of a faggot (a faggot is a bundle of sticks, if you didn't already know)

A few fags short of lung cancer (a fag is slang for a cigarette)

A few noses shy of Michael Jackson.

A few liposuctions short of Oprah.

Nuts is a relative term. In the context of squirrels, it's something you save. In terms of testicles, most people try to cut them off anything that isn't in the same species. As an expression, a few synonyms are whacked, off like a prawn in the sun, cuckoo, cuckold, and imagination.

SlowwHand · July 26, 2003, 19:17

'I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make storewide pages, e.g., "I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter."

One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message: "I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance." '

MichaeltheGreat · July 26, 2003, 19:21

Not quite for nuts, but one of my favorites (paraphrased from Calvin & Hobbes) is: "his train of thought is still boarding at the station"

another one: his mind's transmission is stuck in neutral.

SlowwHand · July 26, 2003, 19:22

I figure this will cut down on the blatantly insulting remarks made here.

Agathon · July 26, 2003, 19:25

I liked Al Capones': "His head got away from his hat."

Gibsie · July 26, 2003, 19:25

"****ing retard" usually works for me.

red_jon · July 26, 2003, 19:26

Mah brain dun work purfectly.

Dur-hurrrrr.

red_jon · July 26, 2003, 19:27

Kill for me.

DAVOUT · July 26, 2003, 19:38

If somebody tell you : I am so happy that we have a few moments for exchanging ideas!
You can politely answer : Thank you very much, but I prefer to keep mines.

st_swithin · July 26, 2003, 19:42

'TARD!

red_jon · July 26, 2003, 19:43

Quote:

Originally posted by st_swithin
'TARD!

Bas or re?

SlowwHand · July 26, 2003, 19:47

Redfern Jon, and st_swithin

red_jon · July 26, 2003, 19:51

No! Not the cage again! oh, ok. But only if we get the straps.

st_swithin · July 26, 2003, 20:34

NO!!! NOO!!!! IT'S ALL HAPPENING AGAIN!!!

Hey, where's the fourth monkey?

red_jon: yes.

Sava · July 26, 2003, 20:35

****tard is my new favorite term...

SlowwHand · July 26, 2003, 20:50

Speaking of nuts, What's Happenin', Sava ?!?

Sava · July 26, 2003, 20:52

Quote:

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Speaking of nuts, What's Happenin', Sava ?!?

wha?... u ****tard!

why do some of the damn smilies have these gay ass hats on?

Ecthy · July 26, 2003, 20:57

strange. we never talk about other people's stupidity. we just annex them.

Cruddy · July 26, 2003, 21:00

Quote:

Originally posted by red_jon
Kill for me.

Certainly.

* Cruddy shoots red_jon through the head

Feel better now?

Ecthy · July 26, 2003, 21:01

the hour is quite late in Europe, isn't it? I'd suggest going to bed to making rather unfunny jokes

Al B. Sure! · July 27, 2003, 01:22

not exactly what you want but my old chemistry teacher said this one a bit... "he got constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth"

Sarxis · July 27, 2003, 18:45

Quote:

Originally posted by SlowwHand
A few clowns short of a circus.

Offensive to the race of clowns.

Quote:

not exactly what you want but my old chemistry teacher said this one a bit... "he got constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth

All teachers know this one. Its droll, while also being incredibly trite.

*End Is Forever* · July 27, 2003, 18:53

http://www.tardblog.com/

Sirotnikov · July 27, 2003, 18:59

oh
I could sooooooooooo spam this thread. I have like 3 huge lists devoted to this topic at home. But I'm at my brother's now...

Nubclear · July 27, 2003, 19:07

Mentally deficient.

Ignorance · July 27, 2003, 19:55

Encephalographically challenged

:) Smiley · July 27, 2003, 20:06

How about some blatantly politically incorrect ones now?

BustaMike · July 27, 2003, 20:10

This thread reminded me of the SNL skit with David Allen Greer on ebonics.

"You are inapropriate, ill-informed, and out of line. Or to say that in ebonics, b*tch you be trippin'."