August 3, 2003, 22:08
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#1
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Emperor
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I will take the movie bullet so you won't have to: Nominations
Dear Apolyton,
I'm being a helluva guy, you know: purposely watching a movie so bad that it would be near death for you to see it - taking a movie bullet, if you will.
So what will it be? Spice World? Glitter? Hudson Hawk? The Fountainhead? What festering sore of moviedom are you just shying away from, knowing that it will suck beyond all suckitude, leaving you scarred and bitter for life.
I will take that bullet for you. In a subsequent thread, I will discuss said movie, and fellow bullet takers can join in on how the flickering images just sucked two hours of life from our souls.
Like my sci-fi threads, we'll have a vote next week on the films nominated here. So, nominate those films that you consider so bad as to be unwatchable and be sure to vote for them next week.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Smokey and the Bandit 3? Highlander 2? Grease 2?
Only films with the following attributes will be considered for viewing:
1. Must be an American or English production - no Japanese hentai, no Bollywood film will be considered.
2. Must be available here in Knoxville.
3. Must be a theatrical release.
4. No porn or Faces of Death crap, please. Any film that has as it's primary focus the dismemberment of living creatures will not be considered. Hell, I don't even like to watch the dentistry shows on TLC. 
5. One nomination per person, but please, throw out suggestions as well.
JohnT
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August 3, 2003, 22:11
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#2
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Deity
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I think I'll test your sincerity in this enterprise by nominating Gigli.
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Blackwidow24 and FemmeAdonis fan club
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August 3, 2003, 22:13
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#3
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Damn. Well, if it is nominated (and if it is still in theaters in two weeks) I'll do it. 
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August 3, 2003, 22:46
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#4
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Bean.
That film sucked in a way most movies could only dream of sucking. At least the first half hour of it. Then it achieved total and complete suckatrocity, and I decided to call it a night.
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August 3, 2003, 22:47
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#5
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I'll have to go with Highlander 2. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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-Bokonon
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August 3, 2003, 22:51
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#6
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Gigli.
Let's see if you can out-negative reveiw all of the other negative reviews. 
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"We have tried spending money. We are spending more than we have ever spent before and it does not work...After eight years of this Administration, we have just as much unemployment as when we started... And an enormous debt to boot!" — Henry Morgenthau, Franklin Delano Roosevelt's Treasury secretary, 1941.
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August 3, 2003, 22:52
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#7
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Gigli started at #8 this weekend -- and I suspect at least half went just to see if anything could be as bad as the reviews said.
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"We have tried spending money. We are spending more than we have ever spent before and it does not work...After eight years of this Administration, we have just as much unemployment as when we started... And an enormous debt to boot!" — Henry Morgenthau, Franklin Delano Roosevelt's Treasury secretary, 1941.
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August 3, 2003, 22:56
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#8
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Doesn it have to be in the theaters currently or can I nominate MiB II? 
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Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
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August 3, 2003, 23:02
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#9
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Glen and Glenda
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"mono has crazy flow and can rhyme words that shouldn't, like Eminem"
Drake Tungsten
"get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight"
Albert Speer
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August 3, 2003, 23:07
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#10
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Emperor
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I was thinking about that, but that one's classicaly bad, not painfully bad.
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Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
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August 3, 2003, 23:11
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#11
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Independance Day
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August 3, 2003, 23:13
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#12
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Deity
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Spiffor
Independance Day
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That was a decently funny movie!
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August 3, 2003, 23:15
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#13
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Emperor
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Ok, here is one that made me cringe - the new guy.
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"mono has crazy flow and can rhyme words that shouldn't, like Eminem"
Drake Tungsten
"get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight"
Albert Speer
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August 3, 2003, 23:16
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#14
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Emperor
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The crowd demands Gigli!
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"You're the biggest user of hindsight that I've ever known. Your favorite team, in any sport, is the one that just won. If you were a woman, you'd likely be a slut." - Slowwhand, to Imran
Eschewing silly games since December 4, 2005
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August 3, 2003, 23:17
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#15
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Quote:
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Originally posted by DinoDoc
That was a decently funny movie!
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Well, it would have made my head explode, but for the sake of choosing an absolutely great rotten tomato, here you go:
Lost in Space
I now use this movie as a measurement tool over how bad a movie can be. It is not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it just has everything you want: uninteresting plot, uninteresting villan, nice guys really nice, overbloated family values, pathetic humour, etc. A real measurement tool
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"I have been reading up on the universe and have come to the conclusion that the universe is a good thing." -- Dissident
"I never had the need to have a boner." -- Dissident
"I have never cut off my penis when I was upset over a girl." -- Dis
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August 3, 2003, 23:22
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#16
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Gigli... or maybe Titanic...
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August 3, 2003, 23:49
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#17
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King
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The Cell. Although, I actually laughed during that one, so who knows. It certainly sucked, though.
Daredevil?
The Waking Life? This got a lot of hype in the department because of the visuals, but I rather suspect that it sucked beyond belief from what I've heard.
How about the stupid bit of nonsense with the American Idol people in it?
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August 3, 2003, 23:57
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#18
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Waking Life is a great movie - I own it. To say that it sucks beyond belief is ridiculous - for what it is, it's well crafted. If you don't like it, it's not that it's bad - it's just not your type of movie.
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"mono has crazy flow and can rhyme words that shouldn't, like Eminem"
Drake Tungsten
"get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight"
Albert Speer
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August 3, 2003, 23:58
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#19
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King
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Ok. Like I said, I haven't seen it anyways...just from what I've heard and the previews I saw, I was not impressed.
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"In the beginning was the Word. Then came the ******* word processor." -Dan Simmons, Hyperion
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August 4, 2003, 00:05
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#20
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King
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http://monkspider.blogspot.com/
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August 4, 2003, 00:06
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#21
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"The movie is like a cold shower of bracing, clarifying ideas. We feel cleansed of boredom, indifference, futility and the deadening tyranny of the mundane... The movie is as exhilarating in its style and visuals as in its ideas--indeed, the two are interlocked... If I have made the movie sound somber and contemplative, I have been unfair to it. Few movies are more cheerful and alive."
-Roger Ebert
http://www.suntimes.com/ebert/ebert_...10/101904.html
"The film, which opens commercially next week, is so verbally dexterous and visually innovative that you can't absorb it unless you have all your wits about you. And even then, you may want to see it again to enjoy its subtle humor and warm humanity. "
Stephen Holden, the new york times
http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movie...=237170&pdate=
I guess we just live two different lives, eh?
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"mono has crazy flow and can rhyme words that shouldn't, like Eminem"
Drake Tungsten
"get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight"
Albert Speer
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August 4, 2003, 00:10
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#22
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King
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Quote:
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Originally posted by monolith94
I guess we just live two different lives, eh?
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Nah, it fits right in under my philosophy of "whatever the critics say, do the exact opposite."
Although, there are always exceptions.
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"In the beginning was the Word. Then came the ******* word processor." -Dan Simmons, Hyperion
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August 4, 2003, 00:11
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#23
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Emperor
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Quote:
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Originally posted by chegitz guevara
Doesn it have to be in the theaters currently or can I nominate MiB II?
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You can nominate any movie you want, as long as it's accessable. (spelling).
By the way there is a 24 entry limit on the polls, so we'll see how this goes... maybe I'll have to do multiple polls.
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August 4, 2003, 00:13
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#24
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King
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Wasn't there a Jerry Springer movie?
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"In the beginning was the Word. Then came the ******* word processor." -Dan Simmons, Hyperion
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August 4, 2003, 00:14
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#25
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"Nah, it fits right in under my philosophy of "whatever the critics say, do the exact opposite."
My philosopy is go see a movie if it looks good, whether critics like it or not. They're only interesting to compare your views to after you've watched a film.
The critics have universally panned Gigli - I guess you should go see it!!!
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"mono has crazy flow and can rhyme words that shouldn't, like Eminem"
Drake Tungsten
"get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight"
Albert Speer
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August 4, 2003, 00:14
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#26
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PolyCast Thread Necromancer
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GIGLI
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August 4, 2003, 00:26
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#27
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Fried Green Tomatoes. AAAARGH!
No I got even worse for you:
Blow Dry! OMG THAT SUCKED SO BAD! I wanted my two hours back of my life. It was truly HORRIBLE!
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In da butt.
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August 4, 2003, 00:27
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#28
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King
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Quote:
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Originally posted by monolith94
The critics have universally panned Gigli - I guess you should go see it!!!
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As I said...always there are exceptions.......
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"In the beginning was the Word. Then came the ******* word processor." -Dan Simmons, Hyperion
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August 4, 2003, 00:54
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#29
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King
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Ramo
I'll have to go with Highlander 2. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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An hour and a half long film that spawned a 3 hour discussion about how bad it sucked afterward.
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But he touched it too much!
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August 4, 2003, 00:55
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#30
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King
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Spiffor
Independance Day
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I couldn't believe how bad this film was, and apparantly some people liked it!
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He's got the Midas touch.
But he touched it too much!
Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!
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