Havoc in Zero Gees

PresidentMarcos · August 14, 2003, 14:57

The radarman on duty watch in the USS Brandywine's bridge sat staring blankly at the radar screen. Space, unlike terrestrial environments, was nothing but a huge expanse of nothinngness. Sure, sure, you might get your occasional space rock here and there, and huge garbage deposits near the Lagrange points, where the huge space colony cylinders were, but out here, there was absolutely nothing. At all.
Suddenly, the monotony of staring at nothing but a blank screen was broken by a high pitched, squealing ping, the kind that signalled a radar return. The radarman looked down, and surely enough, there was a blip on the radar.
The ping had attracted attention, and surely enough, the senior sensor officer floated over. (There is no psuedo gravity on the smaller space capital ships, such as Concord-class crusiers)
"Hmm...It looks like there is something out here, after all. But what would anything be doing out here?"
"Maybe we'll find out when we figure out what it is," the radarman said. He adjusted some knobs and pushed some buttons on a control panel below the radar screen, and surely enough, the blip flashed once, and then, a small piece of text appeared above it. It was a November-class cruiser.
"That's funny...What would UNSSSR forces be doing out here?" he asked. "These are our territorial areas."
"I don't know," said the sensor officer. "I just don't know."

Paddy · August 29, 2003, 01:33

excellent, like your style

when will we get some more?

jdd2007 · August 30, 2003, 22:19

There's some good writing in there. You just need, well, more of it.

ChrisiusMaximus · August 31, 2003, 05:27

President Marcus, I know I have asked you this before but why so many threads with so many started stories ?

Its obvious from what you write that you are very capable of writing an extremely good story and that you have some interesting ideas for plots.

Why dont you try just taking one of these stories youve posted over recent months and elaborate further on it, just stick it out and get one piece completed.

Although there is no set rule on how long a story should be, it is better by far that a story reaches a conclusion of some kind.

I will not question youre reasons again, but I ask you to consider my thoughts as constructive critique. I merely wish to encourage your good self and others to write great stories for us all to enjoy

Im sure that any of the regulars here would be happy to help you with tips etc if so required.

More power to your elbow

PresidentMarcos · August 31, 2003, 14:53

Several hundred kilometers away, at the US space colony of Grand Fenwick, trouble was brewing. Grand Fenwick, at the outskirts of Lagrange point 5, was the US's main military base. At the moment the whole incident reared it's ugly head, David Byrnes, a second lieutenant, was on patrol in his F-96 Apollo space fighter.
Byrnes was something of a psychopath, which was why he was assigned to a remote space station near Grand Fenwick. Of course, he was also something of a genius...
He stared down at the radar screen, looking carefully. Suddenly, there was a ping, and a blip on the radar screen appeared. He pushed the "Identify" knob, and there it was...
A November-class cruiser...

vovan · September 1, 2003, 00:13

Curious... But short... The encouragement by Chris here is longer than the last installment, Marcos.

I am sure we would all like to see you fix that.

Pretty good beginning, I guess, in that it certainly has potential to develop into something cool. So, I would second Chrisius, and urge you to go ahead and finish this one (or at least try to not abandon it for a while). It is always sad to see a person with a good distinctive writing style leave stuff unfinished.