August 25, 2003, 22:15
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#1
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Emperor
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The tapeworm miracle diet?
Hopefully this isn't gross enough to get me banned, especially since I'm more or less serious:
If people are willing to inject the botulinum toxin into their faces just to get rid of wrinkles, why hasn't anyone tried the tapeworm diet? Just swallow two or three eggs, and within a few weeks you could eat a whole cheesecake for breakfast and not gain weight! Since the tapeworms keep growing, most of what you eat goes to them, and the more you shovel down, the more they grow. Side effects include tarry stools and...not much else that I know of. When you want to quit the diet, it's just a matter of taking the medicine and killing the little buggers. I grant you that it would be creepy to excrete a thirty-foot parasite after your diet, and you'd be crazy to want to do it, but is it really any stranger than Botox or barely tested medications?
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"May I be forgiven for the ills that I have done/Friends I have forsaken and strangers I have shunned/Sins I have committed, for which others had to pay/And I haven't met the whiskey that can wash those stains away."
-Brady's Leap, "Wash."
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August 25, 2003, 23:31
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#2
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King
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Would this really work? It sounds like it would just make you very sick.
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August 25, 2003, 23:32
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#3
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Emperor
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Elok is trying to kill us, you know that, right?
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STFU and then GTFO!
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August 25, 2003, 23:37
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#4
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Prince
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Quote:
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it would be creepy to excrete a thirty-foot parasite
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It would take a long time too.
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American by birth, smarter than the average tropical fruit by the grace of Me. -me
I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity. -- Bill Veeck | Don't listed to the Linux Satanist, people. - St. Leo | If patching security holes was the top priority of any of us(no matter the OS), we'd do nothing else. - Me, in a tired and accidental attempt to draw fire from all three sides.
Posted with Mozilla Firebird running under Sawfish on a Slackware Linux install.:p
XGalaga.
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August 26, 2003, 00:21
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#5
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Emperor
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This actually isn't a bad idea.
I believe they would be able to extract the tapeworm also.
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"Let the People know the facts and the country will be saved." Abraham Lincoln
Mis Novias
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August 26, 2003, 01:11
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#6
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Emperor
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hey, leeches have medicinal uses, why not tapeworms?
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Visit First Cultural Industries
There are reasons why I believe mankind should live in cities and let nature reclaim all the villages with the exception of a few we keep on display as horrific reminders of rural life.-Starchild
Meat eating and the dominance and force projected over animals that is acompanies it is a gateway or parallel to other prejudiced beliefs such as classism, misogyny, and even racism. -General Ludd
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August 26, 2003, 01:15
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#7
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How healthy would you be at the end of it though? 
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I'm building a wagon! On some other part of the internets, obviously (but not that other site).
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August 26, 2003, 08:42
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#8
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Emperor
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The genius of it is, there are medicines you can take that'll kill the tapeworm in a flash, at which point it will detach from your innards and decompose like any other garbage. So far as I know the only thing a tapeworm does is suck the nutrients out of your blood or something somehow.
__________________
"May I be forgiven for the ills that I have done/Friends I have forsaken and strangers I have shunned/Sins I have committed, for which others had to pay/And I haven't met the whiskey that can wash those stains away."
-Brady's Leap, "Wash."
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August 26, 2003, 09:12
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#9
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Deity
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This doesn't seem any worse than any of the other diets out there...
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[Obama] is either a troll or has no ****ing clue how government works - GePap
Later amendments to the Constitution don't supersede earlier amendments - GePap
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August 26, 2003, 09:22
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#11
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Prince
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Tapeworms ingest the nutrients that would otherwise have been absorbed by your intenstines into the blood.
I think its a great idea!!! However, surely its cheaper to just, like, eat less?
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"I work in IT so I'd be buggered without a computer" - Words of wisdom from Provost Harrison
"You can be wrong AND jewish" - Wiglaf :love:
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August 26, 2003, 09:23
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#12
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Deity
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elijah - but we Americans are too feeble-minded to actually eat less 
I'll pass on those links, btw...
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[Obama] is either a troll or has no ****ing clue how government works - GePap
Later amendments to the Constitution don't supersede earlier amendments - GePap
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August 26, 2003, 18:19
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#13
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Prince
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Quote:
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elijah - but we Americans are too feeble-minded to actually eat less
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I wouldn't be suprised if thats actually true! 
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"I work in IT so I'd be buggered without a computer" - Words of wisdom from Provost Harrison
"You can be wrong AND jewish" - Wiglaf :love:
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August 26, 2003, 18:31
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#14
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Deity
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[qoute]
The adult tapeworms have an average length of ~ 5 meters , consisting of approximately 1000 proglottids, but may grow up to 17 metres in length occasionally, and are therefore longer than the adult forms of Taenia solium. [/quote]
17 meters?! Jesus ****ing Christ!
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Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
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August 26, 2003, 18:35
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#15
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Emperor
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You'd have to have 17 meters of intestines for that to be a problem.
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Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
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August 26, 2003, 18:37
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#16
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King
Local Time: 01:51
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I'd rather be fat than have worms in me.
(Luckily I'm neither )
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meet the new boss, same as the old boss
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August 26, 2003, 18:39
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#17
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Emperor
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Tapeworms can kill you. They suck all the nutrients, not merely the fats. Scurvey, rickets, beri beri, and all the rest go with not getting any vitamins.
__________________
Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
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August 26, 2003, 18:49
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#18
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Prince
Local Time: 00:51
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All the more reason to promote this diet. 
__________________
American by birth, smarter than the average tropical fruit by the grace of Me. -me
I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity. -- Bill Veeck | Don't listed to the Linux Satanist, people. - St. Leo | If patching security holes was the top priority of any of us(no matter the OS), we'd do nothing else. - Me, in a tired and accidental attempt to draw fire from all three sides.
Posted with Mozilla Firebird running under Sawfish on a Slackware Linux install.:p
XGalaga.
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August 26, 2003, 18:54
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#19
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Deity
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I bet nothing is quite like shitting out 17 meters of worm when the diet is over.
__________________
Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
Last edited by Oerdin; August 26, 2003 at 19:19.
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August 27, 2003, 00:02
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#20
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Deity
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Quote:
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Originally posted by chegitz guevara
You'd have to have 17 meters of intestines for that to be a problem.
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Your intestines are probably longer than 17 metres.
__________________
(\__/) 07/07/1937 - Never forget
(='.'=) "Claims demand evidence; extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence." -- Carl Sagan
(")_(") "Starting the fire from within."
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August 27, 2003, 06:15
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#21
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Deity
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I hope so other wise things could get messy.
Wouldn't it be great if the worm pulls an "Aliens" type move and a 17 meter long worm bursts out of someone's gut?
__________________
Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
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August 27, 2003, 07:46
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#22
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Deity
Local Time: 15:51
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That would teach them tapeworm dieters
__________________
(\__/) 07/07/1937 - Never forget
(='.'=) "Claims demand evidence; extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence." -- Carl Sagan
(")_(") "Starting the fire from within."
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