At Codehappy.Net, this is intended to be a more cheerful, up-beat piece. It is also an attempt at some avant-garde art. I hope you can apply your own imagination and find the composition full of useful, personal meaning. The prologue and first two acts will contain actual posts of Mr. Abian's, with the chants performed by our own Greek Chorus. The third act will be a sort of remix of Usenet posts made in reply to Mr. Abian. All together, they should hopefully make a tasteful, satisfying tribute to the particular genius of this fellow.

Now, you have to set the stage for this piece. We are deep inside of a banana split, our britches sticky and gooey with non-fat chocolate syrup. For our Greek Chorus, we have a circle of Hungarian nihilists there with us, each clothed only in diapers, shaking lengths of chain as they slowly walk around and around through the sticky muck, sporadically uttering gutteral bellows.

Okay, have we got that? Now intersperse this performance in your imagination with scenes of the moon comically exploding. Envision all of the citizens of Tuvalu covered in green cheese. Hear the wailing of the children of Sri Lanka as they no longer have a bright moon to wish on at night. Hear their wails! Now, having vividly envisioned this, you can chant too, with our diapered chorus, with total disregard for coherency, in all of the non-linear disparity, through the muck and the goo, as we join Mr. Abian and begin the recitative:

Prologue (with Chant from Greek Chorus)

  Yes, yes, yes,  we must get rid of that moronish idiotic and
imbecile chunk of perverse  piece of refuse THE MOON - once and for all!

  THE MOON must go, must be eliminated!! Enough of billions of 
years of the evil presence of that piece of refuse  with its
morbid presence hanging above our heads - enough of that terrorizing
spy in the ski! that Evil watchful eye that disgusting  boring
depressing  piece of abomination. 

  We must radically change the cosmic surrounding scenario of our
planet Earth,  Enough of the same billion and billion of years of 
continuous misery of   rotten  decadent pestiferous   and idiotical
celestial setup surrounding our planet Earth.
 
     RADICAL CHANGE IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. THE MOST PRACTICAL
THE MOST EFFECTIVE THE MOST URGENT   RADICAL CHANGE IS
    
          TO BLOW UP THE MOON TO SMITHEREENS  AND GET RID OF
                ITS EVIL PRESENCE ONCE AND FOR  ALL!


Moon with its dull, stupid depressing condescending and  disgusting
boring  presence had and has the most damaging influence on human
life, behavior and actions. With its tides creating in the flow of 
blood  especially in the brain of mankind,  it has created a monstrous 
beast of human species. we must

                   BLOW UP THE MOON.  


Do not worry, there is life and existence without MOON  a much better
a much healthier and interesting life.  In fact  the BLOWING UP OF 
THE MOON  will jolt our planet earth and will get rid of the layers
and layers of accumulated (during billion and billion of years) of
filth, feculence, dregs and putridity  on our planet Earth.

Politician, especially the UN representatives and the self appointed
guardians of setting political systems  "for better life" on
the planet Earth  are only good for organizing banquets, cocktail
parties and  lavish hotel arrangements for the conduct of their useless
efforts, meetings, conferences, and committees, committees, committees to
 "change dictatorships to democracies"  First of all  UN
is the most undemocratical establishment which has the temerity,
nerve and obnoxiousness of "Claiming to establish democracy in the
world" The UN has a self appointed (and NOT ELECTED)  FOR PERPETUITY A 
SECURITY COUNCIL WITH A VETO POWER! Do you understand that ?
Self-appointed for perpetuity with VETO power !! and that UN professes
to establish "Democracy"- it is like Hitler appointing himself to be the
president of the ISRAEL!!! UN's claiming of being of the guardian of 
democracy is  an insult to the intelligence of any reasoning human
being. It is a disgustingly phony, ludicrous and obnoxious claim!!!
A total unabashed insidious lie!! VETO POWER BELONGS TO A SELF
APPOINTED SUPERPOWERS  FOR PERPETUITY!!  What a masquerade of
democracy is that UN !!
  UN cannot change life on Earth, No philosopher, no politician can 
change the life an Earth.  To jolt the Earth into a truly
radical change , the surrounding celestial scenario of the planet
Earth must be radically changed and for that  WE MUST 
 
                BLOW UP THE MOON

How to do it - very easily. There is an overabundance of nuclear fuel
on the planet  earth (especially at the disposal of all those superpowers
which ban the others of not creating new nuclear arsenal but which 
they themselves constantly augment their own nuclear arsenal.  Would
they let me inspect the nuclear production centers in France, Germany,
U.S. Russia, England, China??  Would them let me inspect?!!)

So, I propose to locate all the nuclear explosive material on the MOON
and    BLOW UP THE MOON !!!!   Just to change the 5 billion years of 
rotten celestial scenario surrounding the planet Earth - believe me
no change can be worse that the present scenario!!! 
-- 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
   ABIAN MASS-TIME EQUIVALENCE FORMULA  m = Mo(1-exp(T/(kT-Mo))) Abian units.
       ALTER EARTH'S ORBIT AND TILT - STOP GLOBAL DISASTERS  AND EPIDEMICS
       ALTER THE SOLAR SYSTEM.  REORBIT VENUS INTO A NEAR EARTH-LIKE ORBIT  
                     TO CREATE A BORN AGAIN EARTH (1990)

Act One

Enough of 20 million years of unrelenting and inexorable global
catastrophes that have plagued and continue to plague the human species.
There has been not a single day, not a single hour that human species was
not subjected to the storms of all kinds of natural disasters, tempests
of immolations, devastating and deadly epidemics and holocausts of all sorts.

All these ruthless calamities are inextricably related and are direct 
consequences of the celestial  parameters of the planet Earth.  They 
cannot be consequences of anything else. The  5 billion year old orbit
and tilt of the Earth  are corrupt, putrid and  decadent. 

It is time to get rid of Newton-Einsteinian paranoid slavish and
pathetic indoctrinations of considering the Solar System and the 
cosmic set up as a "magnificent, miraculous celestial harmony".  
That harmony is corrupt,peevish, perverse, pestiferous and malignant.

We must reject Darwinian surrender to the evolutionary dictates of the
"mother nature"  and to adjust to her "natural selection".  That  "mother
nature"  is indeed a "wicked step-mother nature" and we must teach
her a couple of lessons:

     WE MUST JOLT THE PLANET EARTH INTO A NEW ORBIT. IF JOLTING OF THE 
     PLANET EARTH REQUIRES THE  BLOWING UP THE MOON THE  BLASTING 
     THAT DULL STUPID LOOKING MOON INTO PIECES  - SO BE IT.

We must stop being orbited for million of years  like a horde of
blindfolded speechless  slave without our consent and without our 
having any control over the trajectory of our planet Earth

    NASA instead of being preoccupied and obsessed with the totally
irrelevant (for the welfare of the human species on the planet Earth)
question such as  whether or not a piece of 4 pound  rock  came from Mars  or
just was a piece of rock always lying on  the planet Earth,  that same  NASA
must solicit from  all the countries their  nuclear and  thermonuclear bombs.
  Then the same  NASA  should locate all these nuclear and thermonuclear
bombs on the Moon and detonate these bombs on the Moon. NASA  should
blast the Moon and if necessary should BLOW UP THE MOON,  in order to
Jolt  the Planet Earth and alter the pestiferous, corrupt, decadent and
putrid  5 billion year old orbit  of the Planet Earth.    
  
  The  most practical and the most expeditious way of JOLTING THE
PLANET EARTH FROM ITS PUTRID ROTTEN AND DECADENT ORBIT IS TO BLOW UP THE
MOON ! There is no other practical and swift way.  BLOW UP THE MOON,
BLAST IT INTO PIECES JOLTING  THE PLANET EARTH INTO A NEW ORBIT.


     WE MUST JOLT THE PLANET EARTH INTO A NEW ORBIT. IF JOLTING OF THE 
     PLANET EARTH REQUIRES THE  BLOWING UP THE MOON OR  BLASTING THAT
     DULL STUPID LOOKING MOON WITH THAT MORONISH SMILE ON ON HER FACE,  
     - SO BE IT.

Greek Chorus: Wise and great truly is King Abian, but I swear, on the tomb of Epitetus, that soon lust will foment in his bowels directed against the one whose womb bore his royal bod into the dung heap; and so he will introduce conflict betwixt him and his sire, whose seed was the first part of his body, who didst create him in his mother's womb. Oh yeah, and unlike, say, Oedipus, he'll know what he's doing. And enjoy it. Yeah.

(Important Ancient Greek Health Advisement: Our great Greek physicians have discovered the wisdom that no female assistance is necessary in creating a child, and that a man's seed will grow in any nice, warm moist place. So, young Greek lads, be sure to keep nice and clean!)

Act Two

Human race must no longer tolerate submitting  itself like a horde of
speechless, blindfolded slaves  to being  orbited  in a ridiculously
incoherent orbit in which the Planet Earth has been orbiting for the
past 5 billion years -  absolutely  without our consent! 

   The present setup of our Solar System, and in particular the  orbit
and the tilt of the Planet Earth and the present configuration of the
Planet Earth with its neighboring Celestial bodies  are  criminal, wicked
deprived, vicious, cruel, corrupt and the real cause of the unrelenting
and inexorable global disasters and catastrophes.


         WE MUST JOLT THE PLANET EARTH INTO A NEW ORBIT.
         IF THE JOLTING OF THE PLANET EARTH  REQUIRES  
         TO BLOW  UP THE MOON OR TO JOLT OR TO BLAST IT OFF - SO BE IT !!!

The  phrase
                            BLOW UP THE MOON
              
must be a motto, a slogan for performing radical changes of Celestial
order in the 5 billion year old rotten, pestiferous and malignant orbit
and tilt of the Planet Earth  which relentlessly caused and cause all
kinds of tempests of immolations on  the Planet Earth.  In other words,
       
          BLOW UP THE MOON  stands for MAKING RADICAL CHANGES IN THE
                  COSMIC PARAMETERS OF THE PLANET EARTH.


We must liberate ourselves once and for all for considering the present
setup  of the Solar System as a system created imbued with some kind of 
superior wisdom ! What superior wisdom- !?, there was not a single day
that the human race was  not plagued with storms, earthquakes, el ninos,
diseases, tornadoes, hurricanes, brutal colds and scorching infernal
heats!! 
   
We must once and for all reject and get rid of  Newton-Einsteinian 
paranoid, slavish and pathetic indoctrinations of considering the Solar
System and the entire Cosmic setup as a "magnificent, miraculous
celestial harmony "  That harmony is perverse, peevish and criminal!

    BLOW UP THE MOON  AND  JOLT THE EARTH OUT OF ITS MALIGNANT ORBIT
  
We must reject  Darwinian surrender to the evolutionary dictates of the
Natural Selection -  We must and we will select ourselves the future
aspects of our lives  by reshaping rationally the setup of our Solar
System - the most practical and urgent way to do this is to
 
                     BLOW UP THE MOON    
               
to detonate it, to jolt it.  For heaven's sake  MAKE A RADICAL CHANGE OF
CELESTIAL ORDER  - forget about traditional insignificant methods of
the environmentalists.  JOLT THE EARTH INTO A NEW ORBIT  BY BLOWING UP 
THE MOON !!

Let    BLOW UP THE MOON  stands for radical change and liberation of
human spirit and intellect and imposition of the will of human genius
on the  orbit of the  Planet Earth, on the setup of the Solar System
and even on the setup of the entire  Cosmos!   BLOW UP THE MOON  and 
make radically profound changes of the Cosmic magnitude!!! No use of
sending mosquito type probes to Moon and to Mars!  BLOW UP THE MOON and
JOLT THE PLANET EARTH INTO  A NEW RATIONAL COSMIC ERA!!!!
-- 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
   ABIAN MASS-TIME EQUIVALENCE FORMULA  m = Mo(1-exp(T/(kT-Mo))) Abian units.
       ALTER EARTH'S ORBIT AND TILT - STOP GLOBAL DISASTERS  AND EPIDEMICS
       ALTER THE SOLAR SYSTEM.  REORBIT VENUS INTO A NEAR EARTH-LIKE ORBIT  
                     TO CREATE A BORN AGAIN EARTH (1990)

Greek Chorus: New Herbal Remedys Available Without Prescription Can Make Your c0*kkk Bigger! FDA has Not Banned This Important Drug Miracle! Also Ask For Our Selling Secrets That Can Guaranteed Make You $$$$! Buy now and Receive 20% Off Shipping!

Act Three
The Skeptics Speak

The Moon, just far enough away to be hard to reach, yet close enough to
be reachable!   It has called to Men over the millenia, and finally we
touched her surface with our feet.    Honor the Moon, stepping stone to
the rest of the galaxy, necessary eventual new home for humans.

What if a vampire bites a werewolf, or vice-versa?

But clearly, the world wants to get off.  Which accounts for the
preponderance of sexually oriented web sites.

Would Rings around the earth result in a permanent high tide around the
equator, and would the sun's gravity have a significant effect, the
earth being nearer than saturn?

Who in their right mind could wish for the destruction of the Moon except for
the feeble minded Alexander Abian?  And Mr. Abian, you would be here
to make your senseless selfish wish if the Moon were not where it should be
in the first place?

Bugs Bunny was in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" if you'll recall.

In the tradition of Cow Patty Bingo, we'll have Moon Rock Impact Bingo,
where people bet on which cities/states/continents get hit with what!

Actually, I believe the moon is gradually moving further and further
away from Earth's orbit.  If you are patient, many, many years from now
there will be no moon.

If there were no moon, disasterous effects would occur, including tides
out of control among other things.  Also, no solar eclipses.

No solar eclipses we say? NO SOLAR ECLIPSES?!

The Moon distorts the Earth so that the Earth is elongated along the line 
joining the Earth and the Moon.  *BUT*, the Earth is also rotating, and 
it's rotating in the same direction that the Moon is orbiting.  So, the 
Earth's tidal bulge gets pulled forward slightly from the line joining 
the Earth and Moon.  

Here, Here!  I knew there was a simple answer to all this crap!

As far as Luna is concerned it is orbiting Sol and being tugged a little
by Earth. Moons are satellites of planets, planets are satellites of stars.
Isaac Asimov came up with an argument for calling the Earth-Moon system a
double planet. He gives a maximum moon distance of 29,000 miles, then asks 
in capital letters: WHAT IN BLAZES IS OUR OWN MOON DOING WAY OUT THERE?

WHAT IN BLAZES IS OUR MOON DOING WAY OUT THERE?....
WHAT IN BLAZES IS OUR MOON DOING WAY OUT THERE?....
WHAT IN BLAZES IS OUR MOON DOING WAY OUT THERE?....

Epilogue

"Life is raw material. We are artisans. We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful, or debase it into ugliness.

It's in our hands."